Monday, June 18, 2012

I Have Fun With Normal People.

I had a belief when I was using that without it, I would never have fun again.  I thought I would never be happy, and that I would never laugh.  I was afraid nothing would ever live up to the days where I went four days in a row without sleep. Nothing would beat the joy of being locked in my room and picking my skin until it bled.  And of course there was the fun fear of answering my phone, going out in public, and worrying, worrying, worrying.  Man, that was living.

A week ago, I was invited to my niece's graduation ceremony.  I was really happy to be invited and very excited to go. Not to mention that my sister was taking us out to dinner afterwards at a super fancy restaurant.  So, of course I was in.  I love to eat expensive food.  I'm not a foodie, I'm just a snob.

The night was perfect.  We watched my beautiful niece receive a scholarship and receive her diploma.  Spending time with my sister and her family was awesome.  We all drove together into Minneapolis and ate at Murray's.  The jokes were flying and we laughed so hard my stomach hurt.  What it showed me is that I can hang out with "normies" (people who aren't addicts/alcoholics) and not be hyper-focused on if they are going to drink, what they are going to drink, how much are they going to drink, etc.  That gets old and boring.

I was able to purely and absolutely enjoy every minute, being in the moment.  I didn't have to worry about using.  I didn't have to worry about how I would sneak off to the bathroom to snort a line.  Or watch the clock, waiting for it to be over, because I wanted to go home and lock myself in my room for a long night of skin picking and drugs.  I wasn't exhausted because I was crashing, I didn't have to wear make up on my arms to cover up scabs and scars.  The list of games I used to play goes on and on.  I was able experience the present.  I feel more gratitude for this than I can possibly explain.

Having four kids and a sick hubby can make these fun nights out few and far between.  I get caught up in life and taking care of everyone else.  I go to my meetings and out to lunch after, once or twice a week.   It is easy to have fun with my friends in those places.  But to go out into the "real world" and not feel like an alien, doesn't come as quick.  I can have fun with the normies and not care if they finish their glass of beer or not.  I didn't even notice.


Feel free to share this with people, if you like it.  I really want you to.  Add this to your reader, will you?  I need the attention.


1 comment:

  1. You are awesome.. You are such an inspiration of strength in a very hard time.

    I am not an addict but am so inspired by your sobriety and your journey and look forward to following your updates!!!!

    Well DONE!!!

    ReplyDelete