Thursday, June 21, 2012

Like Me.

I obviously have a real need to be liked.  I talk big like, "I don't care what they think," but the truth is, I care a whole fucking lot.

I use humor in every situation.  Often inappropriately.  My dream job would be to do stand-up comedy.  But there is no way in HELL I could do that sober, and obviously, I could never manage it while using. So that dream will never get off the ground.  I even have a set written.  No freaking way I'm ever doing it.

Because I am aware that I interrupt, talk over, and talk louder than most people, I often tell myself "okay, you are going to go hang out with these people, and not try to make them laugh and not try to be the center of attention."  I always end up the loudest and making sure people are listening to me.  Because I need them to like me.  And I need them to remind me of that every 5 seconds, by laughing at something I say.  So I keep talking, making jokes, and wait for them to laugh.  I never get tired of it.

Then later on, I feel bad because I know I did it again.  I talked too much, was too loud and mostly didn't let anyone talk about themselves.

I attend Metropolitan University for their Licensed Drug and Alcohol Counseling program.  I am on my way to becoming a counselor.  Where listening will be my job.

I am going to HAVE to learn to tone this shit (pointing at myself now) WAY down.  

I am totally not trying to be hard on myself here, This is just something I figured out about myself.  People seem to still want to hang out with me, which is awesome.  I exhaust myself, I can't imagine how others feel.

You Might Be Codependent If...
You only feel good about yourself if other people are laughing at your jokes.
You worry people think you want too much attention (even if you do).
You feel pressure to make people laugh, even though no one has EVER officially given you that job.  You might REALLY be codependent if you are worried your friends will read this and feel bad because you said you feel pressured to be funny.  I am a sicko.

4 comments:

  1. Holy cow! I feel like you were just describing me. I too fit that bill! Betsey, I could read your blogs all day and never be bored. You are the center of attention because you are funny, and witty, and beautiful. Its something you are gifted with don't beat yourself up over these qualities (I do it to) I miss you. Lisa Alvarez

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  2. your humor is WHY I have hung on to this sometimes messed up friendship we have, I often think about where we have been and the things we have done to each other good or bad and realize its always your humor that breaks the sometimes very think ice.
    Keep going Bets, some may say they would never put themselves out there like this but I say keep going your doing more than you know for people.

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    1. Didnt know how to put my name, its your friend of to many years to post Candi

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