Tuesday, June 26, 2012

My Old Man

My dad is honestly the hardest person to explain.  I think I could have written the book Shit My Dad Says, like Justin Halpern did.  But my dad is a little nuttier.  And way dirtier.

He used to tell me, when I went back to school, that college was for "people who don't want to work." For real.

I told him about this blog and he just told me it was a kind of dumb, and that he didn't understand it.  He said that, "90% of people don't care about what you have to say.  You should quit and get some shit done around your house."

There is a lot of truth to that one.

Then there is the "you are WAY too beautiful to be that fat" compliment/soul-crushing line he uses on me.  Stuff like that just makes me super hungry.

But when it comes to airing out all of my dirty laundry, my dad has been awesome.  I honestly thought he was going to disown me when her heard that I was going on TV to say that I am a drug addict.  He didn't know I had relapsed on pills, much less meth.  I hid that from everyone.

Here is what my dad said to me, about anyone who was angry about my honesty.  "Fuck em'.  You have the guts to put your great big balls out there.  And there is nothing wrong with that."

He is one of a kind, that is for sure.  People either love him, or they hate him.  I accept him.

What kind of funny, insulting things do your parents say to you?

Watch me make a fool of myself tonight on ABC World News Tonight with Diane Sawyer!


  1. Awwww Tom, I love him. You gotta keep that ol guy on your side

  2. My Dad BILL died 3 1/2 years ago. Tom reminds me alot of my Dad. BILL had some great one liners. one of my favorites " it is better to be pissed off then pissed on"


  3. I have ALWAYS been a Tom lover! My mom...taught me to swear like a truck driver I think. She may have a different take on that. F*&%ing love her!!