Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My Other Sick and Loving Half

I wanted this part of this blog to be funny.  But reading below, I can see it isn't.  Just read it, and we will get to the funnier shit eventually.

I have a strong personality.  And by strong, I mean, I am a control freak, who needs a lot of attention, and who can also be pretty mean.  I can also be very awesome.   I manage everything in my house, to include the good times.  When I am not home, nothing gets done. I spend a lot of time trying to accept that. I am pretty comfortable with the controlling role, because it's where I've always been.

I've been married to Bob for almost 20 years.  He is the exact opposite of me, in many ways.  He controls differently than I do.  He controls me so that I'll do everything, by doing nothing.  I want to tell everyone what to do, and he wants to be told.  But I resent him for it, and he resents me.  We are a match made in heaven.

We have four beautiful children, live in the suburbs, and once upon a time, we appeared to have a perfect life.  Our addictions were always inside of us and would rear their ugly heads, on and off, throughout our life together.  Obviously, resulting in both of us going to treatment.

In the beginning of 2008, when I got sober for the first time, so did Bob.  We tag-teamed into treatment, me going first and then he went once I got home.  I was so excited.  I was thinking we were going to be the voice of recovering couples.  I thought we would be Big Book banging, super-freaks.  I thought we would travel the country and speak about recovery and how we did it, together.  People in my meetings tried to tell me to stay in my own program.  But I knew better than EVERYONE. No one there understood why it was so important that I keep us both sober. We were unique and we HAD to be sober together.   I didn't understand why it was so important that I keep only myself sober.  I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had nothing to do with his program.

Guess who relapsed?  Well...after a year of me trying to make him a happy 12-stepper, both of us.

He was diagnosed with PTSD in September of 2010.  He served in the Marine Corps and deployed twice.  He has a dual diagnosis that is really consuming. He can't work, and sleeps quite a bit.  This PTSD is a completely different world.  I thought drugs were the big monster.  A monster for sure, but not his only one.  He is sober today, and getting help for his PTSD.

This has been and will be a long road.  I have tried everything in my power to make him a happy, sober man.  Guess what?  That has never been my job or my purpose.  All I can do is work hard at my own recovery and hope someday he can figure this out. His battle is different than mine, and it's his own.

For a control freak, this ain't easy.

You Might Be Codependent relapse because you can't make your husband like sobriety, you are worried people will hate this post because it isn't funny OR in your codependent part of your new blog, you ramble on about your husband's issues.  I still have MUCH work to do.  
Please feel free to comment!!


  1. great this post... thanks for the honesty.

  2. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being so honest. Can't wait to share your blog with Jeff and my family. Perhaps the "recovering couple speaking engagements" haven't worked out...yet....but know that you are making a difference, even if it's only for us. Hugs to you my friend!!!

  3. Love your blogging! Keep up the strong confident attitude. Even when its a hard tough day, look back at what you are doing now and reflect.

  4. I LOVE you! ~Amber

  5. I kind of love you for showing all your guts. Keep it up!

  6. I could have written this exact post!! i am soooo happy i found this site. It is totally what i needed to read. the only person i can keep sober is myself...

    1. Yeah!! I'm glad you found it too. There are a lot of us out there.