Friday, June 15, 2012

We Swear on Each Other.

I am NOT the kind of mom that would have her own show about maternal instincts.  These things have never come easy to me.  I constantly look around to see what everyone else is doing and use that as a reference as to what I am doing right or wrong.  I almost never feel confident with the decisions I make with my kids.  I often walk around confused.  

Since my kids have been raised by two addict/alcoholics, they might not have the same tools that most kids have.  I will bet that they have some better tools than a lot of kids, along with some shitty ones.  Here it is.  My entire family says the "F" word.  This is something that I am not proud of.  In fact, it tears a piece of my soul out every time one of my little sweet angels utter an obscenity.  It is so embarrassing to admit this. Of course, I am immature enough to find it SOMETIMES hilarious.  This behavior is totally wrong by society's standard. But then, so am I in some ways

I am aware how bad this sounds.

Here is my whole deal with cussing.  I do it, Bob does it, my dad does it, my grandpa did it, I've heard nuns do it, in fact, just about EVERY person I know does it to some degree.  Yes, it is bad manners. It can hurt feelings. It can be offensive, oppressive or maybe abusive to many.   But guess what?  Your kids will eventually do it when you aren't around.  You do it when you kids aren't around.  Sometimes "SHIT" or "FUCK" is the best way to describe how bad stubbing your toe really feels.  We all hide it from each other, until the kids get old enough, and then we say "shit" and "fuck" together.  They are just words, after all. I know, I know, words can hurt. I am not saying this is right, but to me, there are worse things.

For the record, my kids only swear in the privacy of our home and sometimes out our windows.  I have instructed them (and they listen to this) to not say these words when their friends are over.  At least not in front of me when their friends are over, so we can keep up the illusion that I have done my parenting job correctly.

I have had many battles in the past two years trying to regrow this family from the depths of addiction.  This one part seems really small, but I can assure you, I am working on it. I have tried everything from soap in the mouth, to ignoring it, screaming, privileges removed, explaining how they sound, etc.  Their potty mouths have gotten MUCH better.  But still, sometimes, my little babies talk like Marines.

So if you see us on the street, come up and ask us, "How the fuck are ya?"  We are doing just fine.


5 comments:

  1. Only you Betsey! YOU ROCK :) for all of this, keep it coming.

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  2. When SAijen was about 2 there was a car that would stop and honk at our neighbors, every F'n day. It must have been a work pick up. But this person would honk. honk HONK HHHOOOOOONNNKKK honk honk ...you get the picture. Saijen started yelling out the window: AAASSSSHOLLLLLLE! FUCKING ASSHOLE STOP HONKING! I remember thinking, this is so wrong. Then I thought No, there is a time and a place for swearing. This was appropriate. and funny. really funny. It does get more difficult as they get older, to "curb the flow". It still feels weird to hear it come out of my adult children's mouth. Then again, in Ireland, Fuck is a comma. My Irish friend's 5 year old came back after a month long visit using it as such. Her hubby was freaking out because kindergarden was starting in 2 weeks. That was pretty hilarious.

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  3. You have NO idea how much I relate to you on this one. My 8 yr old cusses with no remorse, and I can't imagine what some people think about me because of it. All 4 of my kids have used bad words before, and 3 of them stopped (in front on me) after a little soap in the mouth. But then there's the 1.....who refuses to give up his bad words, no matter what punishment he might face. Is it really that terrible that I've laid off punishments, hoping it will run it's course, and he will quit when the "shock value" wears off? I mean, really, is it the worst thing he could do? FUCK NO! Choose your battles, my friend, choose your battles. And give yourself a little more credit when it comes to your maternal instincts. Nobody else could raise your kids better than you.

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    1. I can tell that you and I would be friends. You are awesome. Thank you.

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  4. I just came across this today and I can relate to what is being said, my 5 year old has a problem with cussing,but I have controled it by telling him he can only talk like that at the shop. My dad is a farmer and has a shop, every other word is f...and before my son could talk my dad brought my son with him. Before the age of two my oldest, knew what word to use and actually used it in the correct context. My dad must have always said fuck when something went wrong because they were leaving the house one day and accidently ran over our puppy my son turned and looked at my dad and said '' OH FUCK Paw-Paw! '' My dad just looked and said im sorry pawpaw will have to get you another puppy...but I have controled it some by, telling him thats oshop talk and your not, at the, shop. It worked for awhile but he is very stuborn and was doing it just to see how far he could go, so I decided he was only acting on me correcting him so I ignored him and he pretty much quit. Besides he wasnt really hurting anyone when, he is just trying to fix a tractor, a toy tractor at that.

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