Monday, July 2, 2012

I Always Get More Than I Give

In one of my meetings, our group has a service commitment to speak at a women's treatment center.  I have signed up for this plenty of times.  It should be quite obvious that this sort of service is right up my alley, being that I LOVE to talk and I LOVE attention.  I also love going there and seeing the pain on the faces of the women in treatment. It is such an important reminder for me.

After I went to Hazelden the first time for my own treatment, I signed up to speak at every place that would allow me, with the amount of sobriety that I had at the time.  I wanted to share my story and my great ideas on what I thought you should do, with whoever would listen.  Because I was a miracle, with all of the answers.  Guess where that got me?  Relapsed.

Listening, that is where I went wrong.  I didn't listen to anyone.  I talked, talked, talked about what I knew.  Never listening to what I needed to learn.  Big mistake.

I don't sign up as much now, but two weeks ago, I did.  I totally didn't want to go, when the day came.  I was trying to figure out how to get out of it.  I even called the treatment center to cancel.  I knew another woman had signed up to join me, but I didn't know who it was.  I wanted to act like I had forgotten I signed up, and just no-show.    

I put forth a little effort to find out who the other woman was that was going with me, and that little effort paid off with a phone number.  It was a woman who is fairly new in the program, but had more sobriety than me.  She had never spoke before.  So I got my shit together and went.

Listening to her story, and that of her daughter's (whom she brought with) was such a gift to me.  We had much in common, with Adderall and meth and life.  I heard what her daughter had to say about how it felt having an addicted parent, and I heard what she had to say about putting her life on track. The women of the treatment center related well to their stories.  It was absolutely moving and amazing. There was some powerful hope in that room.

So I will sign up when I'm needed, and show up even if I don't want to.  Because I always gain more that helps keep me sober, from those around me when I do.  

4 comments:

  1. I always wanted to speak at a treatment center. I feel like I want to tell people that no matter how many times you relapse, your family still loves you and wants you to succeed the next time. What I was thinking when I looked at my Dad in his casket was, "There are no more second chances."

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  2. That is a powerful message. I am sure it would be appreciated.

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  3. A very inspiring blog. I hope that telling your story and writing all your feelings down helps you along the journey.

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    1. I think it is totally doing that for me, thank you!

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