Monday, July 30, 2012


I once set up a blog a few years ago, not knowing how to do it, and I don't even remember what the name of it was.  It was going to be about being sober, except I wasn't. I wish I could remember what I called it.  Maybe it was called "What a Fricken Dork."

I literally decided to do this blog, started two days after I decided, and did it.  I think about starting things all of the time, but usually don't.

I didn't really read blogs, and I certainly didn't know there were so many of them.  My friends on Facebook would sometimes say to me, "you should write" because maybe my life seems interesting, crazy or maybe my short status updates are so witty and inspiring.  Or maybe they just appreciate a good train wreck.

One day, my friend Beth and I were talking and she asked me, "Do you read blogs?"

"Never, but I have thought of doing one."

She was like, "YOU HAVE TO.  I'll come over tomorrow and set it up for you, you'll be great.  Have stuff to make turkey wraps for lunch and we will get it started."

She is funny the way she thinks I have food in the house.  So I went to the store to keep up the illusion.

We went back and forth about the name, and the description.  I have a whole conversation in my Facebook messages of how this all began.  It is pretty cool how we brainstormed and came up with Mom Off Meth so quickly.  Like it was meant to be.

She came over, with a list in hand of a writing schedule, and the know-how to set the whole thing up.  Then she showed me how to use Picasa for the cool photo collages that I put on here.  I had no idea the woman was so handy.  She can do all kinds of cool shit.

The schedule I have stuck too, although I think my blog posts might be too long, I am afraid I will run out of stuff to say.  I think I will need to shorten these things down when I start school at the end of August.  Maybe just do three days a week, in stead of five.  But then again, I love to ramble, so maybe I'll work it out.

I am the queen of starting things, and then quitting.  Like one year, I took up knitting.  I bought HUNDREDS of dollars worth of yarn.  I made ONE baby blanket, and gave the yarn away.  I bought a bike one year and rode it five-hundred miles to Chicago.  I barely rode it again.  But exactly like those adventures, this feels different.

I will say that thinking of things to write about, remembering and reflecting on stuff that has happened or is happening, and typing it away, has been absolutely more enjoyable than I thought it would be.  Hearing people's reactions and comments to what I write and how I think has been amazing.  This is the best therapy I have ever had.  I have remembered things that happened, of which I had forgotten about.  It is helping me figure stuff out, and really focus on my recovery.  I feel pretty damn good about doing this.  So I will continue, until I don't feel like it.

Thanks for reading.  Thanks to those who suggested I write. Thanks to Monte Bute at Metro State, who said he never gave out A's for papers, but that was all I got. That gave me confidence like nothing else.  And thanks to Beth, who put this in my hands.  I think it feels good.


  1. I'm glad you started this blog. I really enjoy your honesty. Thanks.

  2. Love this blog..... Don't stop writing.....

  3. You are welcome and it was meant to be. You have a great talent for writing and now you are a writer. I am so proud of you for staying on the schedule:)
    You are a great friend. You have helped move on from many problems. LAUGHING ALL THE WAY!!!
    Love ya, Beth
    P.S. can I come over for a turkey wrap today?

    1. You have done a lot for me too kid. And you laugh at my jokes. My ego says that you are a keeper.

      I don't have the right cream cheese for a wrap, but yes, anytime.

  4. Love ur blog!!! :)

  5. I am so glad you do this. I don't read many blogs either. I found yours after I saw a comment you posted on Scary Mommy, and your name "Mom off Meth" caught my attention, since I'm a mom who is also a recovering addict. I might even make an account so I don't have a scary shadow next to my name when I comment on It makes me feel like I'm some kind of criminal or narc. I'm very curious about your life story, so if you ever run out of things to write, maybe you could talk about how you became addicted, to help others recognize the signs. But only if it wouldn't hurt your recovery process. For me, sometimes talking about those things is hard, because even though the outcome of drugs is miserable, there has to be something enjoyable about them or people wouldn't ever try them in the first place. But like you have said before, it's important to let that tape play all the way through. When I first became addicted to pills, I had no idea what was happening to me, I didn't even really realize what addiction was. Would I had made different choices if I had known? Who knows? And the fact is that I can't really regret my past, even the mistakes, because it's part of who I am today. But if one person could hear about my mistakes, and it helps them not make the same ones, it would be great. I think you have the chance to do that here. Love you, love your writing, and looking forward to getting to know more about you.

    1. Thanks Buffy. You are super sweet. I think writing about all of this is so much more helpful to me than anyone else. It makes me happy that people relate. We have to stick together!! Thanks for the love!! Back at you.

  6. I, too, found you on Scary Mommy (I stalk comments LOL). I am also a recovering meth addict. By no means have I limited my addictions to meth - pills, booze, coke, cigarettes, food, you name it, I've abused it. I spill about my addictions every chance I get, because I enjoy the accountability and I think we really need to remove the stigma and lie of the "dirty homeless addict". That aside, I think you're really brave to admit your failings as a mother and as a wife. My marriage did not survive our addictions, and I almost lost my fourteen year old daughter as well. Honestly, I've never been to treatment or rehab and I can only credit Jesus with keeping me sober and straight all this time (five years - although my food issues are ongoing).
    You've made me laugh (the allergy eye thing was hysterical) and you've made me cry and you've made me think. I'll be back. Keep up the good work.

    1. We are alike in that way. I really was addicted to anything anyone had. It just so happened that my "dude" had meth the most. So that's what I did. But I had a problem with whatever you had!! I am sorry your marriage didn't make it, or maybe that was best for you.

      I am a firm believer that there is more than one way to live a happy, sober life. I use the 12 steps and I had to go to treatment, only because I tried to sober up without it. I couldn't. I was lucky to be able to go because for me, it seemed the only way. But what works for one person may not work for others. Whatever works, is what works.

      Thanks for reading, and thanks for coming back!