Friday, July 6, 2012

Twins Do Not Run In My Family

I never thought having twins would be cool.  People often say to me, "I prayed for twins and didn't get them, you are so lucky."  I never really felt super lucky, to be honest.  The thought of having two babies at once did nothing but make me terrified.

My first two kids were perfectly planned.  Prenatal vitamins three months before trying.  Ovulation kits and sex that was like a job.  For both of us.  We waited until we had been married six years before we had kids.  Plenty of time to have all the fun we needed to have.  Yeah, right.

My daughter was born, then two and a half years later, my beautiful boy was born.  At the time, my dad was married to a woman who had 4 granddaughters.  My sister had two girls and I had one.  When my son was born he was the prince of the family.  His royal standing was short lived.  Poor little dude.

Bob was going to get a vasectomy. Once the ground froze and the fencing business slowed down, he was going to go in and get that thing taken care of.  I decided, after losing all of my baby weight (with prescription diet pills, by the way) that I wasn't going back on the pill.  Ever.  So in the mean time, we decided to just use good old fashioned condoms.  Well, one night, one thing lead to another, no condoms in sight, two grown adults who KNEW BETTER, did it anyway.

Fast forward 8 weeks later, I realized I was late and picked up a pregnancy test on my way to work.  Took it in the bathroom, and began to sob.  I was down to a size SIX, (too thin for me, if there is such a thing) and we were done having kids.  Plus, I was honestly taking so much Phentermine (diet pills), I was sure the kid would be messed up.

Of course my options ran through my brain, but for me, after having babies, I couldn't do it.  So I accepted that I was pregnant, and honestly hoped for a girl. If I had to have another baby, please universe, make it a girl.

My doctor didn't routinely do ultrasounds.  She was giving me a lot of grief about how much weight I was gaining.  Her name was Dr. Waushbusch.  That is pronounced wash-bush.  Great doctor, but I would have changed that name, maybe. Anyway, at twenty-three weeks she finally decided I could have an ultrasound.

I brought my daughter, then four, to the ultrasound so she could find out if she was having a baby brother or sister.  I was really hoping for a sister.  As soon as the technician put the wand on my belly she says, "first thing you should know is that there are two babies."  My whole world stopped.

The night before, I had watched a TV special on these Guatamalan twins who were conjoined.  So of course my first scream was, "ARE THEY STUCK TOGETHER?"

Then the long, loud wailings of, "NOOOOOO,  NOOOOOO,  NOOOOOO, and WHY?" rang through the entire clinic.  People thought something terrible had happened.

The doctor ran in to see that everything was okay.  My daughter was terrified.  I could hardly sit through the rest of the exam.  I did, and both baby boys were perfect.

Nothing was the same for me from that moment on, obviously.  We went to McDonald's playland with my daughter, let her run around, and just stared at each other.  What the hell were we going to do and how were we going to do it with FOUR kids?

I carried them with no problem full term.  I was all ready for bed rest, and it didn't happen.   They came into the world easily and perfect.  6 pounds, 3 ounces and 6 pounds, 13 ounces.  I am very lucky to be such an excellent breeder.  Many women with multiples are not so lucky.

They came home on my daughter's 5th birthday. She actually wrote a blues song about it.

Having twins is not easy.  I was not super good at it.  It was the most difficult thing I have ever done.  All of my births were two and a half years a part.  It was rough in the beginning.  Now, I can't imagine it any other way.  Well, of course that is a big fat lie.  But I survived, they have survived, and we all love each other very much.  We have had rough patches, and smooth patches.  And I am glad and grateful we are all here.  The world is a better place with them in it.

Oh, and if the twins are ever reading this, I was unplanned too. So was your daddy.   I'm named the "broken rubber baby" by my dad.  The BEST things are unplanned.

Bob did get that vasectomy.  And I was glad it hurt.


  1. Haha! Love your stories! Keep them coming!

  2. Oh my, your twins are adorable. I love the humor and real-ness of your writing. As a mother of three boys, ages 1, 3, and 6, I can relate a bit. Motherhood is hard. Even though we love our children, it's just hard.

    PS Found your blog through your comment on

  3. My kids are 7,8,9, and 12. People ask me if they were planned. I used to be dumbfounded by this question. I mean, really, what kind of IDIOT, plans that sort of thing? I'm not sure if you believe in God or not, but I heard this a few months ago and now it's my favorite response. "As a matter of fact, yes, they were all GOD"
    Because really, even though it downright sucks sometimes, and I have this terrible gut feeling that the teenage years are going to make all the other years look like a cake walk, being their mother is a privilege and my purpose in life. And for SOME reason,(still unknown to me at this time) God thought I was the person for the job. And that's actually pretty amazing when you think about it. Now, let's all pray that I don't royally screw this up.