Yeah, yeah, that title maybe sounds too hard on myself. And I am not writing this post to fish for compliments. Those of you who are closest to me, or have seen me around know, I have gotten fat.
I posted a few weeks ago about my dad and his comment on my being too pretty to be fat. Well, he offered me $1,000.00 to lose thirty pounds. Not only that, he has paid for and we ordered a fad diet that will allow me to lose all of this weight, very quickly. I don't want to mention which one it is, because I am too embarrassed. For real. I won't do anything for money, but this seems like a win-win.
Now, I KNOW what you are going to say. That isn't healthy. I should just eat less and move more. I should change my lifestyle. Blah blah blah. I know all of that. It has gotten to a point where I HATE the way I look. I am uncomfortable, I have heartburn, nothing fits me, and it is super, SUPER depressing. I hate going anywhere because of the way I look. I am just looking for a jump start. Then, THEN, I'll change my lifestyle. Gym more, eat less. Have those who know me heard me say this before? No one said I was all the way cured of moronic thinking. I am an American and a good little addict. So, I want it NOW!!
For an amphetamine addict, weight is a trigger. Being told you are fat is a HUGE trigger. I know what I could do to lose this weight. And it would be easy. Until they take the kids away and I lose the house again. Skinny doesn't feel good enough to do it like THAT.
So, I am going to take my dad up on his rude/loving offer. I am going on this fad diet and I am out to lose thirty pounds. He is going on it too. We start today. I wrote this yesterday, so I don't know how hungry I am yet. I would take a picture of myself, but you saw me on TV right? I am not going to take anymore pictures of this. I really need to do this. And now that I have shared this humiliating plan with you, I have no choice but to stick with it. The codependent in me won't let you down. Damn it, I should have kept my mouth shut.
Yesterday, in preparation, I ate like an absolute pig. My dad had a party, and I went, just so I could stuff myself. It's kind of like knowing you are going into treatment the next day. I got wasted on chow.
I know this is stupid. But I'm doing it anyway. What does this have to do with living free? I'm still sober. Still free. If I can get this food thing under control, I will feel better.
Have a great Monday. Thanks for reading.
Dad just called and said, "Don't be surprised if I lose more than you."
Oh, it's on old man. It's ON.