One of the things I loathe most is grocery shopping. I HATE it. In fact, there was a time that I had panic attacks if I tried to go to the store by myself. I couldn't go alone. It was so weird. I couldn't fucking WAIT to be alone, but I would freak out when I tried to venture out alone. This was when I was newly sober, back in 2008. I even went to therapy and tried some meds. Neither really worked.
Anyway, whenever I could swing it, I would have my groceries delivered. But in 2010, when we went on welfare, that option became not available. Obviously because it was too expensive, and also, that elitist grocery delivery company didn't accept EBT cards!! Dicks. I mean, you are given a set amount of welfare money a month, and when it is gone it is gone. So, who cares how expensive my groceries are? I had a panic disorder!
Because I couldn't have them delivered anymore, I had to go to the store, and I had to really just get through the panic. What I have found is that wearing headphones and listening to music while I shop, solves all my weird anxiety over it. Plus, then you won't stop to talk to me and judge me for the junk food in my cart. Win/win.
I have a different point for this post.
I mostly go to Cub, one of the local grocery stores here in town. It isn't the cheapest, or most expensive. I HATE shopping at Cub the most and I can't tell you why. But from what I can tell, here are my options for grocery store shopping, from most expensive to cheapest:
I have been going to Walmart more and more. For me to even admit this in public is seriously harder than saying I smoked meth.
Hear me out.
I saw the Walmart movie multiple times. I understand the awful shit they do. That is a good reason to not go to Walmart. They treat their employees bad, they use horrible overseas companies (like the ones used to make this Apple computer I'm typing on) and they suck. The Walton's are some of the richest people in the country who feed on the poor. They come in and take over towns, kill small business, abuse welfare and the list goes on and on.
And don't even get me started on the plastic bags. At LEAST I almost always bring my own. (I just threw out my shoulder, patting myself on the back.)
I used to proudly never set foot in that store. But when you are on a fixed income, and you have $50.00 to last a week and a half for six people, you sometimes have to go to Walmart. That place has poor people by the balls, or ovaries, or whatever you want to say.
I ran into a woman that I know at Cub the other day. She was in the store a few seconds after me, so we basically followed each other throughout the entire store. She is someone who is a name dropper (drops other mom's names, like I'm supposed to know who they are) who has threatened to run my kids over, and is super judgey. I suppose, if anyone has given reason to be judged, it is me. I mean I was a super judgey person's dream come true.
I was looking for my Diet Pepsi, (don't judge me) and I was small talking with her. I mentioned to her that I have shopped for groceries at Walmart, because it is cheaper. For instance. If you are going to buy Gatorade, it is $1.50 at Cub, and $1.00 at Walmart. And there are many things there that are just way cheaper. You can't get EVERYTHING at Aldi man. Like I said, they have us by the balls.
Anyway, she said she doesn't shop there because there are freaks there. She said this in front of her daughter. This is a family who has suggested to other people, that they shouldn't hang out with us. So, am I surprised that she feels superior to anyone that might be different than her? No. I am not. But say you don't shop at Walmart because of their politics and shady earth killing bullshit. That is a good reason. But to say it is because you are better than the people who shop there, well, that makes you a jerk. And coming from people who brag about their church and such, I am sure that is not W.W.J. D.
We teach our kids not to be bullies, but then we act like that in front of our kids. It is crap.
Here is the codependent part that pissed me off about myself. Instead of saying something awesome like, "Well, everyone has a story." or something like that, I fed right into the bullshit. I said, "yeah, where do they bus those folks in?" I am SUCH A DICK!
So what have I learned from this little rant? Poor folks don't always have the luxury of choosing the best place to shop, that lady is exactly who I thought she was, (I don't think she reads this, and if she does, dude let's not pretend we are buddies) and third, I always want to be liked, even by people I dislike, and so I say stupid shit. I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.
So I apologize to the people of Walmart. And if you EVER see me on one of those "People of Walmart" photo websites, with my floral skirt half falling down, and my hair all a mess, you'll know my story. Don't judge me.