Monday, January 28, 2013

Birthday Parties

I HATE kid's birthday parties.

Let me change that to I hate MY kids' birthday parties.  Please, invite my kids to yours.  I'll buy your kid a good birthday present.  Just TAKE one, two or four of my kids out of here for awhile.

But for my kids, I hate planning them, the invites, cleaning for them and I HATE every second of throwing them.  I hate cleaning up after them.

And not to be sexist, but boy birthday parties are worse to throw than girl birthday parties.  Because at girl birthday parties, the girls are mean to each other quietly, with their mouths.  At boy birthday parties, the boys try to kill each other with their fists.  And that is fun for them.

So I told my now 12-year old LAST year, that last year was his last party.  It was his golden birthday, so I thought, "what the hell."  But here I sit at Skyzone, with six 12-year old boys.  At least they have wifi, and I don't have to listen to them fist fight around my house.  Oh, and I found a quiet room near the bathrooms with a flat screen (with no remote) and pleather couches.  It has a door on it so I don't have to listen to the loud chaos that goes on out there.  None of the other parents seem to know it is here.  Or maybe they watch their kids so they are safe.  I don't care enough about that man, I am hiding.

If you have one of these places near your home, and you have kids, go.  They have dodge ball courts on trampolines.  The kids have a BLAST.  And I get to sit here and do this while they do.  

But in about 1 hour and 40 minutes, it is back to my house.  Where they will probably try to fight each other constantly until they go to sleep.  This is the time where I'll wish they would watch inappropriate movies or play rated "M" vids.  But no.  They will probably wrestle.  And they BETTER not eff up my new walls.  Because I will FREAK out.  

I told them that if any of them try to sneak out while I'm asleep, I have permission, from each of their mothers, (sorry if you are one of them and read this) to break one or both of their legs.  I said it in the sweetest mommy voice I have.  I think they are all afraid of me.  Rightly so.  

Seven hours later....

Those little twerps are still awake.  I used to stay up all night at slumber parties, but I didn't try to fist fight and wrestle the whole time.  

Anyway, they only slept for an hour and woke me up (you guessed it, wrestling) at SIX in the morning.    I think they were actually playing tag.  TAG at six in the morning on a Sunday.  I may or may not have freaked out a smidge.  

I made pancakes at nine.  They ate none.  They were all gone by ten.  

I survived and I am glad it is over.  I have three more birthday parties to throw before I throw in the towel.  I don't wish my kids youth away, but I do wish their birthday parties away.  

Boys are weird.  From birth to death.  


  1. Betsey, you CRACK me up!!! I cant imagine having a house full of boys. Yikes.

  2. Hahahaha!!! You are totally not kidding! I have 3 boys, they stink, beat each other up and are loud as all get out.