I forgot to mention a few things I wanted to say about my daughter. (Seriously, she waits for me to mention her here, and will be so happy today's post is dedicated just to her.)
We made some big decisions concerning her last year, and it was a gamble. I can be terrible at making decision, I have a habit of making them from an emotional place, rather than a logical place. But sometimes my gut is dead on right. In this case, it was.
She had a rough start of her freshman year at the local high school. She is dyslexic and has some processing issues, that we didn't discover until eight grade. The transition from middle to high school was not an easy one for her. So she found herself very behind. She was self-conscious about it, and it effected her learning. She got to a place where she was afraid to try, because she was afraid to fail. And afraid people would notice her learning style and think she was different. She didn't want to be different like that. The light in her eyes was going out with each day. Her social circles were getting smaller and changing. She was very unhappy.
So we moved her to a hybrid internet school where she only goes to their campus twice a week. On the other three days, she studies from home. So there is lots and lots of mommy and daughter time. Lots. We do sometimes get on each other's nerves. Sometimes. She rips on me constantly. We bicker often.
Because it is so much work done by herself, we have removed her self consciousness from the equation, and she is doing great. She gets her work done and she is able to keep up. She went from feeling like she was at the bottom, to being at the top. And we get to hang out, more than ever.
A few things I have learned about her:
1) She is super funny.
2) She has boundaries, and she doesn't let people walk on her.
3) She is one of the strongest kids around.
4) She is still my little girl.
I am grateful she had such a difficult time at her high school and with those kids because we wouldn't be as close as we are now, had that not happened.
To be honest (I've been hanging out with her so much, I almost typed "tbh" for that), I hardly saw her last summer. She slept at her then BFF's house for almost the entire summer. If they would sleep here at home, her three younger brothers did everything in their power to ruin their time. So I thought I was doing her a favor by letting her go to a (only-child) friend's house where there was peace. Because I thought she needed it. But I was hardly raising her myself.
So the fact that she had her struggles with school, brought her home to me. And we have been having fun. And it has been great having her around. She has been a big help, between her little zingers about what I'm wearing or how my hair looks.
She is almost the age I was when my mom got sick. I have nothing bad to say about my mom, but I don't remember having this kind of relationship with her. Maybe because she was sick. She was very kind and loving, but we didn't "hang out." I think it had to do with me wanting to be with my friends and boyfriend, and her letting me because it was easy. Just like it was easy for me to let my daughter stay at her friend's house for six days in a row. I wanted her home, but I knew she was being taken care of there. So I let it happen.
It was pointed out in a meeting the other day to me that I get to be super present with my daughter at this age, that I lost my mom at. Because I am sober, and because I can. It sure makes me realize that I'm not missing anything else with these kids. I am so grateful for that.