Monday, March 18, 2013

Food is...

One of my most viewed blog posts here is titled "I got super fat." I talked about how I got fat since sobering up.

I think the reason this it was viewed so many times is because I either did some kind of media thing that day, OR maybe I was one of the first people to comment on one of The Bloggess posts that day.  Seriously, I used to watch her like a hawk to say something funny and drive people over here.  Like it was a job or something.  She is damn funny.

Or maybe it is because people, like me, are obsessed with weight.  Booo.  But true.

Now, if you are thinking about sobering up, and you are reading this, and you are afraid you'll gain weight, just keep reading. Life in recovery, fat of not, is still better than the hell of drugs and alcohol.

When we get sober, sometimes alcoholics replace the sugar in alcohol, with sugar in food. And Meth-heads can replace starvation and binges, with just binges.

And then there is the whole cross-addiction thing that can happen if a person isn't conscious and careful.

These aren't facts, these are just issues that CAN happen.  Or at least, they happened to me.

And the more I try to control my food deal,  the worse it is getting.  The diet I was referring to on that blog post is Medifast.  That shit is disgusting.  Absolutely disgusting.  Everything is a powder or a bar.  It is not something that I can stick to.  A plan like that will never work for me.  Because controlled eating of crap food is like trying to do controlled using of crap drugs and booze.  It never works for an addict like me.   Never, ever, ever.

So here I am.  I am probably the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life, and I HATE every second of it.  If I seriously spelled out the kind of binge eating that I participate in, you might be shocked.  Or maybe many of you wouldn't be shocked, because so many of us are alike.  It is insanity.  And if I keep it up, my health will suffer.

I understand the perfect storm that has lead me to where I am.  I'm using food to cope with my life.  So I have to apply what I know about coping with my life without drugs and alcohol, to coping with my life without using food.  It is the same idea.  I will not be going to any of those OA meetings (not to offend anyone who gets well there). But I will be thinking along those lines of what they do.

I want to be healthier all together.  Move more, eat better.  Use my tools that I've learned in recovery to stop using external stuff to deal with my internal issues.  Pretty simple on paper.  And take it one day at a time, instead of in pounds.  We will see where it leads me.

Have a good Monday.




14 comments:

  1. I hear you and I'm right there with you. Strength.

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  2. I could never do that powdered crap diet either. I need the sensation of chewing real food, not fake food. Sounds like you have a healthy attitude about it and that is over 1/2 the battle.

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  3. Good luck girlie! I have been struggling with weight for a while. I am all talk and no action.

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  4. The only effective weight loss program is WeightWatchers, and I'm not saying that because I'm involved with them in any professional way. The reason it works so well is it's based on behavior modification, no powdered or prepackaged products. And you can eat real food - even though they try to sell you their foods. It's all about behavior modification - but then, I don't have to tell you that - look how far you've come!!!
    Best of luck,
    Barb in Minnesota

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    1. I have this ap called Myfitnesspal and it seems to work very similar to WW. I did WW before, but had to quit because of money. I think this is pretty similar. Just eating better and moving more. But I do know that WW works. It is a good program.

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  5. I think it is funny that they run Medifast adds on here. I mean it works, if you can stick to it. I can't.

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  6. It is what it is, right? I definitely cross-addicted to compulsive overeating, and it was espeically bad when I was in grad school and the year after. I was twice the weight of what I weighed when I went into treatment 10 years earlier! Everyone has their own "thing" that makes the difference, and for me it was the book Women, Food & God by Geneen Roth. (It's talks about God consistent with the 12-step concept of choosing a Higher Power concept that works for you, vs. a specific fath's God, btw) It really helped me unpack the emotional relationship I had with food, and empowered me to take charge of my fitness and nutrition. And then I lost 70 pounds and have kept it off for two years :) Keep looking at your stuff, lady, it gets better. Much love.

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    1. I have been using that Fitnespal app you talked about when we met. I had done it before. It is just being mindful of what I'm eating and moving. I think I'm going to try that for a few months, without pressure, and see how it goes. You are very inspirational to me thought. You look great!

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  7. A post I wrote about weight loss is also one my most read archived posts, people search online a lot for weight loss tips and stories, which brings them to my blog.

    I am a new reader here, and I have just started following you, I am looking forward to reading more from you. I have been/am an addict too so I am interested in other perspectives of the disease.

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    1. That makes sense. I am glad you found me here. It is always good to connect with others how have an understanding what it means to have abuse or addiction troubles. Thanks for reading!

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  8. This is what has happened to me. I went from the skinniest I ever was because my pill addiction killed any form of appetite I could of had. To over a year clean & 70 pounds heavier. So yuck! I completely replaced my drug addiction with food and online shopping, so yeh, now I'm working on breaking those addictions. Problem I'm running into, I'm calorie counting, and in a way am struggling with an obsessive, addictive behavior towards that. So frustrating, it's like it's never ending.

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