Saturday, March 16, 2013

I'm not dying...yet.

I ate an obnoxious amount of roasted beets the other day. Call me stupid (no really...go ahead) but I sat up in the middle of that night, googling every ailment that causes one to have blood in their pee. I decided, since I had no other symptoms at the moment, that I had cancer. Specifically in my bladder.

Never mind that it could be a ton of different things, but I like to go straight to cancer.

One of my twins was in my bed snuggling that night, and I was so morbidly worried that I was dying and how he was going to survive. I was staring at his little face and internally freaking out. I held it together pretty well for someone who convinced myself that I had less than a year to live.  Meaning, I didn't sob.  I may have teared up a little.  He didn't notice.

I was thinking of the campaign I was going to have, kind of like a season of The Bachelor, to find a mom (and wife to Bob if they would) to take over my place. Interviews, short dates, long dates, and then pick a lucky winner.

Can you really even believe that show is still on?

Then I googled it some more. And one of the questions somewhere was, "Did your dumb-ass eat a shit-ton of beets and forget, you total hypochondriac, dooms-day, freakazoid?"

Yes.

WHEW! I'm cured.

Sorry to talk about pee...but I'm back now.

7 comments:

  1. Hehe. This is too funny! I remember one of the multiple times I went to the ER with a broken arm (I am accident prone) as a kid, there was some old man coming out of a bathroom carrying a pee cup full of red liquid. Freaked me out something fierce. Glad you're just absentminded!

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  2. Silly girl! Glad you're back- i've missed you. How was Spring Break?

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  3. HAHA!!!!... You poor thing. A freak out like that would not have been fun!

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  4. Betsey, I'm always self diagnosing, I too go straight for the big ones and have literally mapped out my demise (more than once) oh and I have also told drs what is wrong before the exam has begun (again, more than once)

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