Should I be writing this, or memorizing my shit for tomorrow's test?
Since being back at college, at age forty-two, I've done pretty well. My classes have been interesting. I have met some incredible future helpers. I haven't had to push myself too extremely hard, that I can tell.
Until maybe today.
You see, most of my classes have been writing, presenting (I only had one major fuck up in front of the class) or taking multiple choice exams. I can fumble through that stuff, usually without working at it (even though I choose to sometimes work at it) with not much of a problem. I'm not saying it is because I'm smart, or anything like that. I just think this is a good fit for me.
But tomorrow I have a test where parts of it include recalling memorized material, word for word, and writing it out.
Am I bitching about this? Yes. I have been staring at these flash cards that I made all day (it is 10:17 AM) and I can't remember anything.
Does this ever happen to you? It's like, when someone asks you the name of an actor in a movie and you know it, but the second you look for it in your brain, it runs around the corner and hides? Maybe you can still see the sneaker behind the corner up there, but not the whole name?
This happens to me all of the time. So either I am getting too old for this shit, or I completely fried my brain on the drugs. I think it is a little of both. Mix in a little anxiety, and you have a blank brain.
The old me would maybe think about cheating. But since I am living a program of honesty these days, and I am TERRIFIED of getting caught, I'll do this the good old fashioned honest way. I will keep staring at these cards.
So that is all I have to say for now. Boring post, but you know, they can't all be super depressing or embarrassing. I know I'll do fine on the test. I am just going to freak a little about the word for word shit I have to recall.
C's get degrees right?
Wish me luck. And don't ask me who played that one guy in that one movie, because I forgot.