Tuesday, April 2, 2013

It takes time to get your shit together.

So be patient.

For instance, sports.  My kids play sports. And it is freaking expensive. It's $210.00 each for baseball and $320.00 for Lacrosse. The equipment for this Lacrosse is insane.  This is a rich kids sport, for sure.

Football is the BEST program in our town because they put a $200 cap on the family. So no matter how many kids you have, you pay $200.00.

I knew hockey was out of the question, so we didn't even teach our kids to skate.  That shit is ridiculous, and not for kids who come from broke families.  Holy cow those parents pay a lot!  There is something wrong with all of it, really.

So each season for whatever sport, I do what feels like groveling and ask for scholarships. For soccer, baseball, football, and now lacrosse. I have either made payments, or asked for scholarships.  I did it when I wasn't sober and now I do it while I am sober.

And every year I have to do this, I think, "well, next year we will have more money." But we never do.

I usually can get help with at least half of the cost.  Sometimes the whole cost.  But with four kids, I understand that they can't give it all to us.  I am grateful for whatever amount we are able to get help with.

I've gotten help with people giving me their old equipment as well.  Thank goodness for that!  People are great.  I will always take whatever help I can get when I need it.  And I will return the favor when I can.

Hopefully, the year after next, will be our last year of asking for scholarships, because the following year, I'll be done with school, and working as a drug and alcohol counselor.  Obviously I will never be rich with cash, but I will have a job that I'll hopefully love. And I will be able to afford sports, without taking from the scholarship fund (I hope)  That is worth everything.

Since I've been so open with my recovery, and my addiction, asking for these scholarships, I am sure that some people think (this is most likely in my head) we are losers, who put ourselves in this situation.  They could be saying, "oh well maybe if she hadn't done all of those drugs, and she wouldn't be in this situation."  Or maybe "if Bob got a job, they could afford it."

If I hadn't done those drugs, I might not be in this situation.  But then, I wouldn't have this disease of addiction either.  I would love that to be true.  But this recovery shit is pretty amazing, so I'd miss out on that too.

The good news is, I am making a come back.  Climbing out of the hole of addiction, mental illness and separation takes time.  So if you are in my boat, or being pissed about someone else's boat, know that all we can do is our best each day.  Sometimes that means asking for help, even when it is hard to do and makes you feel like a fool.  I just have to remember that I am doing my very best.  That is all I can do.

Not to mention, my kids get to play and the should be able to play.  Let me tell you,  they are grateful too.  So thanks to all that help us.

Recovering life takes time.  The ego and the pride can get us stuck.  I have found throughout all of this that people genuinely want to help.  As long as they see me doing the right thing, they want to help me succeed.  What a kick ass thing that is.

On a side note, I am about 640  from 100,000 page views total since I started June 12th.  And none of those are me!  That may not seem like a lot, but holy shit it is to me.  Thanks for coming here and letting me barf my stuff all over the internet!


  1. Sports is so crazy expensive. I was in drillteam and a cheerleader all through school and that was crazy expensive too. My poor family had to save and save. It was so sweet because my Dad, grandma, and uncle would all pitch in to help my mom pay for my expenses.
    Its good for your kids to be active.
    Congrats on all the views. Awesome!!

  2. Wow I cannot believe how much sports cost in your area. And to think that I bitch at having to pay the $25.00 fee. But even that is hard to pay if they each want to do two sports that is $100.00 And that is $100.00 I don't have Why is everything geared towards the rich kids? UNFAIR

    1. It is so unfair. I am grateful that I can get help so my kids can play, but if I couldn't get that help, my kids couldn't play. Our family used the last Lacrosse scholarship. So anyone else who needs one, won't get one. It is pretty wrong. Glad it's cheap in your area! That is how it should be.

  3. Sports are ridiculously expensive! We just started Trinity in horseback riding lessons, and if we didn't have a ton of connections and live in Kentucky, we would be spending a FORTUNE. Josh grew up competing in the national riding circuit, so it's a family thing for him. And she loves it. But it's definitely freaking expensive. I'm planning to make the kids swim when they're old enough. In the local league, it's not expensive, and it's good socialization/discipline/fun. I did it for 13 years and loved it.

    I'm glad they have scholarships available for your family to use! Your kids deserve to get to play, and it's a shame that costs keep families from being able to enjoy organized sports. If our kids were older, we'd be looking into scholarships, too. I'm hoping that by next year when Trin starts getting more into sports, I'll be finished with school and able to afford whatever she wants to do (within reason). But looking at the price tags associated with middle and high school sports, I'm not sure how people do it!

    1. Totally. It is awesome that they have scholarships. I feel very lucky.

  4. I really worry about the cost of extra curriculars. My daughter is far away from that all right now age wise, but it still worries me. I am a major worrier.

    And thank you, I needed this: Climbing out of the hole of addiction, mental illness and separation takes time. So if you are in my boat, or being pissed about someone else's boat, know that all we can do is our best each day. Sometimes that means asking for help, even when it is hard to do and makes you feel like a fool. I just have to remember that I am doing my very best. That is all I can do.

    1. Well, there is always help. Yesterday, a woman gave me a bag full of Lacrosse stuff. She had sent out emails to her own kid's team, and they all gave some stuff. Even some cash! The stuff that didn't fit, I was able to trade in to a Play it Again Sports, and outfit him. It still cost some cash, but only 1/3 of new stuff. There is always help!!! So don't worry. (Easier said than done!)

  5. I have been on a number of committees that choose who gets a scholarship. Believe me, it is a great feeling to help someone who is working so hard to help their family. If I was on one of the committees awarding a sports scholarship to one of your kids, I would know their mom was a WINNER not a loser. By keeping your kids involved in healthy activities the likelihood of their having to walk your road of recovery is made substantially less. Everyone wins then. You are a good role model for your kids. I applaud your success and all the successes of your kids.
    We all have regrets about decisions we made in the past. The real test is in the decisions we are making today.

    1. I meant to comment this a long time ago!

      Thank you for being on those committees! I can see that it is a lot of work. I appreciate people like you who put the time in to do that stuff. Thank you!!!

  6. My daughter does tumbling and I find that expensive. Last year she did tumbling AND ballet and I wondered if all we'd be able to eat for the month was ramen.