For instance, sports. My kids play sports. And it is freaking expensive. It's $210.00 each for baseball and $320.00 for Lacrosse. The equipment for this Lacrosse is insane. This is a rich kids sport, for sure.
Football is the BEST program in our town because they put a $200 cap on the family. So no matter how many kids you have, you pay $200.00.
I knew hockey was out of the question, so we didn't even teach our kids to skate. That shit is ridiculous, and not for kids who come from broke families. Holy cow those parents pay a lot! There is something wrong with all of it, really.
So each season for whatever sport, I do what feels like groveling and ask for scholarships. For soccer, baseball, football, and now lacrosse. I have either made payments, or asked for scholarships. I did it when I wasn't sober and now I do it while I am sober.
And every year I have to do this, I think, "well, next year we will have more money." But we never do.
I usually can get help with at least half of the cost. Sometimes the whole cost. But with four kids, I understand that they can't give it all to us. I am grateful for whatever amount we are able to get help with.
I've gotten help with people giving me their old equipment as well. Thank goodness for that! People are great. I will always take whatever help I can get when I need it. And I will return the favor when I can.
Hopefully, the year after next, will be our last year of asking for scholarships, because the following year, I'll be done with school, and working as a drug and alcohol counselor. Obviously I will never be rich with cash, but I will have a job that I'll hopefully love. And I will be able to afford sports, without taking from the scholarship fund (I hope) That is worth everything.
Since I've been so open with my recovery, and my addiction, asking for these scholarships, I am sure that some people think (this is most likely in my head) we are losers, who put ourselves in this situation. They could be saying, "oh well maybe if she hadn't done all of those drugs, and she wouldn't be in this situation." Or maybe "if Bob got a job, they could afford it."
If I hadn't done those drugs, I might not be in this situation. But then, I wouldn't have this disease of addiction either. I would love that to be true. But this recovery shit is pretty amazing, so I'd miss out on that too.
The good news is, I am making a come back. Climbing out of the hole of addiction, mental illness and separation takes time. So if you are in my boat, or being pissed about someone else's boat, know that all we can do is our best each day. Sometimes that means asking for help, even when it is hard to do and makes you feel like a fool. I just have to remember that I am doing my very best. That is all I can do.
Not to mention, my kids get to play and the should be able to play. Let me tell you, they are grateful too. So thanks to all that help us.
Recovering life takes time. The ego and the pride can get us stuck. I have found throughout all of this that people genuinely want to help. As long as they see me doing the right thing, they want to help me succeed. What a kick ass thing that is.
On a side note, I am about 640 from 100,000 page views total since I started June 12th. And none of those are me! That may not seem like a lot, but holy shit it is to me. Thanks for coming here and letting me barf my stuff all over the internet!