Wednesday, May 15, 2013

My chest area ( boobs)

Look away kids. Look away.

You probably don't know this, because why the hell would you?  But all this talk of Angelina's bravery and her boobs, made me think of my own. 

After my twins were born, I lost my baby weight pretty quickly.  I attribute that to stress, diet pills, and nicotine.  I surely didn't exercise or eat right.  I've yet to treat my body with any respect.

Four children do a number on a pair of breasts.  Or should I say, after our breasts are used for the purpose of sustaining life for another human, their purpose is then to shrivel up, and die.

I married a boob man.

And I believed that if I were to get breast implants, he would adore me more.

Guess what?  Didn't work.

So, by at the age of 33, I hadn't figured out that I am NOT my body, I am NOT my boobs, that I should NOT be wanted because I look pretty.  Well, in this society, as women we are.  But I hadn't figured out how to say FUCK THAT.

Plus, my friend got implants, and so I had to have them too.  She also got a Yorkie, I got one too.  Then my daycare lady got a Russian Tortoise.  I got one too.  Those bastards live up to 100 years!!  You could say that I once upon a time tried to keep up with Jones' that I had no business competing with.

Thank goodness recovery is possible from all of my shit, not just drugs and alcohol.

So here I am, 42 years old.  My implants are almost ten years old.  It is amazing how much a woman can change in ten years.  Implants too.  And last year, one of them popped.  I have, what I like to call, a flat tire.

The good news about being overweight is that I gain a lot of weight in the chest.  So, you can hardly tell when I have a good bra on.  And the remaining implant is not as full for some reason.  So really, there is no difference.  Yay fat!!

Last year, when I went in for my mammogram, they couldn't find one of the implants (the popped one.)  I thought this was because it was more than likely wrapped around my lung, or in my brain, and that I was going to need emergency surgery.  But it just meant that it was completely flattened and see-through.  I had an ultrasound that showed all was well.  But this changes these procedures for me.  It makes them seem not as good.  Like cancer could hide behind it or something.  To me, it is fricken dangerous.  I don't feel as safe.

And the plastic surgeons are just salesmen.  They don't give a shit.  I went back to tell him that one had popped.  Apparently I didn't buy the $100 insurance on the implants, so there is nothing he can do.  I could pay $1500.00 and have them removed.  Which I would LOVE to do.  But I don't happen to have this money laying around.  So I will wait.  But the first amount of money I have extra is going towards removal of these implants.  The doctor said, of course, that I could live like this for the rest of my life.

Getting implants is one of the great regrets of my life.  I am not saying that I am against plastic surgery.  Because if a woman wants to get something done to herself to make herself feel better, than go for it.  I can see the beauty in that.  But I did it for the wrong reasons.  And I did it to fix something in my life.  And of course, that didn't work.

But what Angelina Jolie did to protect her life was a no-brainer for me.  I'm glad she did it, and I'm glad she went public about it. I would do the exact same thing.

So this morning, I woke up, made my mammogram appointment, and my yearly physical appointment.  I did this because Angelina's story reminded me that I should.  My mother didn't have breast cancer.  But both my grandmothers did and so did a cousin of mine.  I don't know if that makes me high risk, but I will ask my doctor.

When you see me on the street, go ahead, look all you want.  You won't be able to tell which one it is (it is the left one.)

Oh, and make your appointments too!!


  1. I'm glad she did it too. It brought awareness nationally. She had 87% chance so she did the right thing! I actually had a breast removal 15 years ago and as you said" yay fat" i have huge boobs again.

  2. OH MY GOODNESS YOURS POPPED?! That is so awful. Whoever put them in should be obligated to take them out for free. I hate that there's so many dangers to implants that they don't tell women about..

  3. Did you know when it popped? Or was it just a slow leak?!

    Yes, I know, I'm missing the point of this post.

    1. Hahaha! Yes, I woke up one morning and knew something was wrong. I FREAKED, because I of course thought I could die or something. I have saline implants, so not like as if it were silicone. So I got an appt with the surgeon right away. He was like "more money please and I'll help you." I cannot believe I didn't buy the "warranty" on my boobs. WHAT was I thinking?