Tuesday, June 11, 2013

So it's been a year

Look how dirty my screen looks.  
A whole year has passed since I started this blog.  How did that happen?  I was only going to do this for a summer project last year.  Well...I'm still doing it.  What does it mean?  I have no fucking clue.

It has been visited about 125,000 times (that doesn't even include my own stalking of myself), I have 64 followers on my blog, and I have written 170 posts.   I've made exactly $164.00 total from the ads that are on here. (I might get into trouble for saying that part) Since I've started writing here, I've had a shit ton of life changes, lessons, growth, some steps backwards, along with the forward ones.  But who hasn't?

I've told this a few times, but I'm telling it again. A friend of mine (who no longer speaks to me, ironically enough) asked me one day, "do you read blogs?"  I said, "no, but I've thought about starting one."   She told me to get some food to make turkey wraps and she'd be over the next day for lunch. She came over, we decided on the layout, colors (red is my favorite color, in case you wondered), and title.  She helped me with a writing schedule.

When I first started writing, I wanted to blow my wad (yeah, I just said that) right away and say EVERYTHING at once.  I wanted to post multiple times a day.  I so badly didn't want to stick to the schedule.  I was so excited, I wrote everything so fast, and furiously.  I had posts lined up and waiting.  I had decided NOT to write on the weekends and it almost KILLED me.   But my wise (and no longer speaking to me) friend told me to CHILL THE FUCK OUT.  Because there would come a time when I had nothing to say.  And she was so right.  So, if you are still reading this blog, friend who started it with me but doesn't want to talk to me anymore, again I say thank you.  You set me up with something that has been a good deal for me, of which I followed your rules very closely for the first few months, and have since, just winged it.  But it all works. I think. 

For me, this whole experience has been a positive one.  I never imagined that anyone would read it, that they wouldn't make fun of it (well, I'm sure behind my back there might be some fun-making) or that they would ever like it.  I've connected with some folks, even made some friends through this blog.  I've had people ask for advice or just appreciate the way I honestly talk about addictiton, recovery and the rest of this life.  It has helped me sort some stuff out, given me confidence, and some opportunities I would never have imagined.

The pain my kids went through, as they learned more about my story, was tough.  But no more secrets here at home.  And sharing our stories might someday ease the shame of another family. My kids are proud of that.  Because this is an ugly, life wrecking disease, but we recover.  Families recover.  It does get better. And we are good people. 

I thought this blog was going to be funnier. I am pretty funny, in person.  (I know I just sounded like a complete tool.) But it's turned out to be more about life than humor. Sometimes it's funny, but mostly real. 

It has given me complete assurance that going into the field of addiction is the absolute right thing for me to do. It sparked a passion for advocacy and to do my part (even if its tiny)  in changing the way people view us. And to be another voice of many that say "recovery works."

So although I sometimes feel like I'm running out of things to say, I will keep writing here. Someday I might get my shit together enough to turn it into a book.  But I procrastinate on that nearly every second. I think I need help with that project. 

Thanks for reading this. Thanks for your comments, support, listening to me talk about some of the same shit over and over. Just thanks. 


  1. Dont go anywhere!! I have SOOOO enjoyed reading your blog and getting to know you. You are a funny girl who happens to have a very serious life much of the time too.
    YOu're a blessing sweet girl!

    1. Thank you Holli. You are the best of supporters! And it has been nice getting to know you as well.

  2. Congratulations to you on one hell of a year!

  3. Happy blogiversary! I am so happy to have gotten to know you through the blog and feel fortunate to have been able to spend some time in person with you too! Your journey into working in this field is so exciting, and you are getting so close to your goal! Thank you for all you share. It's great to have wise friends, but are pretty wise yourself.

  4. Hello Jennie I just watched your interview on hln and it really hit home for me so here I am on your site, and I have been reading your blog's and I too am a mom on meth my 2 son's are grown, I used meth their whole life, I am now a grandmother and I had a reality check on the 4th of July when my daughter-in-law an I got into a fight, she was very drunk, I had used very little that day but I had used well I do not know why but it ended up in a small fist fight (Big fist fight) I love her dearly that is not our relationship, anyway my oldest granddaughter asked her why MeMa (grandma) was hurting mommy, she began to yell very loud that it was because MeMa is a 50 year old women with no job, she is a tweeker and has a boyfriend that does not want her,( mind you we were camping) so any one near plus my granddaughters heard. Well that just wreaked me I cried for days, she had in her mind I started it buit everyone camping said she did, anyway that is what just made me decide I can not go on this way my life is such a mess since I am no longer raising my kids, (that was all I knew was being a mom) they have grown and now I have three beautiful grand children, (I don't want to miss out on the joy of them because I use meth)
    I have really not had to work until now, I have lost my house bout two years ago, I am living with my sister and I have never been in this place in life before, I can not find a job and its just all a mess. I know the only way things can get better is do things different and getting sober I know is what will be the beginning to my life changing for the better, so thank you for your stories they have been very inspiring to me so keep blogging I can relate very much and I love your candor....

  5. OOPS!..., I must apologize, I made 2 mistakes on my fist comment.. 1st, I put wrong name so.. (Hello Betsey) and 2nd, I said (Ifind a job) I meant 2 say (I can not find a job)... just to clean that up.