Thursday, August 8, 2013

What I know and what I don't

I am a student for drug and alcohol counseling, but I am no expert.  I'm an addict, just like many of you. The difference is that we are all in different spots in our addiction and our recovery.

Like it says in the book, and like we hear in the meetings, I may want what you have (in your life of recovery) and you may want what I have.  It's a program of attraction.  You like the way my life has improved and I like the way your life has improved.  That is where the possibility comes alive when we are down in that dark hole of addiction. This is where we can start to relate. This is where the hope is.

Since that piece aired on CNN, I've had an outpouring of support (some fucking weirdo mean people too) but mostly people who can relate. And quite a few who are still suffering. Desperate to find a way out. Most want to find a way out that doesn't hurt. Many just don't know where to start. 

But pain free doesn't always exist. If you think about it, with most diseases, there is pain in either the active disease, or in the recovery.  And either can be better or worse than we imagine. Everyone's road is different.  The beginning of recovery can hurt. It's uncomfortable.   It can seem impossible.  But thankfully, we can see people who have done it and know it is possible.  

A few folks have asked if I could help them in some way.  Or if I could tell them what to do. I take that question very seriously.  Each with stories that are coming from a place I know all too well. If I thought I had the exact answer for everyone, I would love to tell them what to do. But I can only share what has worked for me. And also, that I know for sure that recovery is possible, for everyone.  I know better than to think I can save people. (The ego I could have.)  I don't have a magic easy answer.  This is a disease, and diseases often suck.  

The truth is, the best thing I can say is there has to be a great level of willingness. Sometimes we have to make some very tough choices to get clean. Leaving our kids for awhile, letting our loved ones know our secrets, if they don't already, the possibility of a someone we love leaving us, our job might be lost or postponed, loss of pay, or maybe we can only afford or have coverage for some shady treatment centers that feel maybe like a circus. These are tough choices, they are brave moves, and often times, the are what saves our lives. And what's more important than that?  Sometimes we have to put everything down and start over.  

I know for myself, I put a ton of excuses in front of going to treatment and getting clean.  I couldn't leave my kids, I couldn't let my family know, Bob couldn't handle the kids if I was gone, I didn't want to hear the "god" stuff in the 12-steps, I didn't want to face the shame of what I had done.  And holy shit they are going to take my CELL PHONE!!!  I don't like the counselor, I don't like the chores, I don't like the feeling.  It wasn't until I came up with the willingness to just put my recovery before all of that other stuff, that I could do it.

And like they say, whatever you put in front of your recovery, you will either destroy or lose anyhow.  That is the truth.

So for those who have reached out to me, thank you for trusting me with your stories and for taking that tough step to ask for help.  There are some good resources on the sidebar to the right on this blog page.  Please look at them.  And anyone can ask me anytime.  I will always try to point you in some kind of direction.

Also, if anyone knows of some other good resources that I'm missing PLEASE share with me so I can add them.  THANKS!!!

This is my boy digging a hole for one.  Kind of like what  many of us do with our lives while using.  

33 comments:

  1. Betsey, you are wonderful. I would like to talk to you, but not through this blog. So I obviously don't want to give out my e-mail address here to talk. Let me know if you have any ideas how we could get in touch.

    Thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you are on Facebook, you can find me there under Mom off meth. You can private message me there. If that doesn't work for you tell me. My email is also bdegree4 dot comcast dot net.

      Delete
    2. I am no longer on FB, and I cannot get your e-mail to go through. I am going to keep on trying, hope to connect soon.

      Delete
    3. It is telling me it is an invalid e-mail address. So I will try to go on someone's FB and private message you with my e-mail. Thanks!

      Delete
  2. I screwed up the email

    bdegree4 at comcast dot net

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep, worked now!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hope nobody dies because you tried to help them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure some might. It's a chronic illness and it takes lives. I can't save anyone.

      Delete
  5. SERIOUSLY, Anonymous? Why are you even here. Ef off. We all die. Whether getting help, or not, you, me, the using and the not using: all die. Betsey tries to help the living. That is so clear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) I think I know who that person is Justine. And thank you:)

      Delete
  6. I love your blog. Because your so real and relatable. I'm happy that I was able to reach out to you and have you actually respond back to me and give me advice. Just your little words of wisdom have put me on the right path to recovery and I'm now trying to do something positive towards my depression rather then doing drugs to cope. There's a light at the end of my tunnel and reading your blog gives me hope. Thank you! Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww Thanks Chelsea! It was awesome talking to you too.

      Delete
  7. I love your blog. Because your so real and relatable. I'm happy that I was able to reach out to you and have you actually respond back to me and give me advice. Just your little words of wisdom have put me on the right path to recovery and I'm now trying to do something positive towards my depression rather then doing drugs to cope. There's a light at the end of my tunnel and reading your blog gives me hope. Thank you! Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  8. What piece on CNN I wanna see. you got the link to it? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. http://www.hlntv.com/video/2013/07/23/meth-mom-talks-about-drug-addiction

      Delete

  9. The Other Day,Judi Online
    While I Was At Work, My Cousin Stole My IPad And Tested To See If It Can Survive A Twenty Five Foot Drop.Judi Online
    , Just So She Can Be A Youtube Sensation. My Apple Ipad Is Now Broken And She Has 83 Views. I Know. This Is Totally Off .Judi OnlineTopic But I Had To Share It With.Judi Online Someone!

    ReplyDelete
  10. F*ckin? Amazing Things Here. I?m Very Glad To See Your Post. Thanks A Lot And I Am Looking Forward To Contact You. Will You Please Drop Me A Mail? agenr

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi, my name is agen bola and i like to check your post

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is very greatfull. thank you so much

    ReplyDelete
  13. i cant wait yohu to create the new article

    ReplyDelete
  14. What a great post here, come and visit my website judi online here

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hiya! I Simply Would Like To Give An Enormous Thumbs Up For The Nice Information You've Gotten Right Here On This Post. I Will Be Coming Again To Your Weblog For Extra Soon. Agen Bola

    ReplyDelete
  16. haha! I would just like to give a huge Nice acceptance of the information you have here in this topic poker online terpercaya

    ReplyDelete
  17. Visit my website if you want to know more about Ceme

    ReplyDelete