Friday, September 6, 2013

My changing life

Well, there is one thing I know for sure.  I won't be writing here that much.  I can barely get myself to do my homework after doing my internship and classes.  Then there are the football games for the boys, the camper on the weekends, and I feel like I have just been dropped into a salad spinner and have been spinning for the past two weeks.

I have a whole list of things I could complain about.  I will act like I am NOT complaining about them, by listing them in the things that I COULD complain about.  Is that passive/aggressive, or just plain complaining?

Please start the violin music:

1)  I really struggle with getting up before eight o'clock in the morning.  Always have, always will.  Hell, I struggle with getting up before nine.

2) Interning full-time (almost) AND taking classes on top of it is fucking hard.  I cannot believe people work full-time and go to school.  I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS.  I have been a fucking baby this whole time.

3) Second day of school (for the kids) my son came home with a high temp.  I couldn't be here to take care of him. Breaks my heart in two.  His dad thought we were out of ibuprofen, and just let him lay their with a headache until I got home.

4) For some strange, stupid reason, I thought Bob would rally.  Or I should say, I thought Bob COULD rally.  He won't.  He can't.  But in my heart of hearts, since I can't be here when they are all gone to school, I thought he would become this amazing homemaker.  Have lists of projects to fill his day, laundry done, meals planned, the counter cleaned off, paperwork for kids filled out.  Am I nuts or what?  But really, he is more anxious because of the isolation.  I can't really do anything about structuring his day.  I'm not here.  My house looks like it has been hit by a bigger tornado than the one that usually comes through here.

5) With all of the people going to school living in this house, there is a lot to do.  And this teenage shit is killing me.

6) I feel like I have bitten off WAY more than I can chew.

One of the big things they teach us is self care.  I've had not one moment to get to a meeting.  I can feel it this time.  Not that I want to use, but just that I am feeling a little out of control and uneasy.

Please, I am NOT asking for sympathy.  Because I am so lucky to be able to be where I am at.  I LOVE what I am getting ready to do and this field of recovery.  I have a LOT of gratitude for being where I am at.

I will get a groove going in this new life.  But until I get my feet on the ground, I might not have as much to say here.

HEY!!  But it is National Recovery Month.  So HAPPY RECOVERY MONTH.  Go hug a person in recovery or someone struggling.  Love you and thanks for listening.


  1. same shit different day

  2. I will miss you terribly! I love your stories and I am so in awe of everything you've accomplished. You are so inspiring. I will keep checking back for updates. I hope all goes well with your internship and that you are able to manage well during this crazy busy time. All the best to you in the coming weeks!

  3. Well then here's your hug!! XOXOXOXOX