Well, there is one thing I know for sure. I won't be writing here that much. I can barely get myself to do my homework after doing my internship and classes. Then there are the football games for the boys, the camper on the weekends, and I feel like I have just been dropped into a salad spinner and have been spinning for the past two weeks.
I have a whole list of things I could complain about. I will act like I am NOT complaining about them, by listing them in the things that I COULD complain about. Is that passive/aggressive, or just plain complaining?
1) I really struggle with getting up before eight o'clock in the morning. Always have, always will. Hell, I struggle with getting up before nine.
2) Interning full-time (almost) AND taking classes on top of it is fucking hard. I cannot believe people work full-time and go to school. I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS. I have been a fucking baby this whole time.
3) Second day of school (for the kids) my son came home with a high temp. I couldn't be here to take care of him. Breaks my heart in two. His dad thought we were out of ibuprofen, and just let him lay their with a headache until I got home.
4) For some strange, stupid reason, I thought Bob would rally. Or I should say, I thought Bob COULD rally. He won't. He can't. But in my heart of hearts, since I can't be here when they are all gone to school, I thought he would become this amazing homemaker. Have lists of projects to fill his day, laundry done, meals planned, the counter cleaned off, paperwork for kids filled out. Am I nuts or what? But really, he is more anxious because of the isolation. I can't really do anything about structuring his day. I'm not here. My house looks like it has been hit by a bigger tornado than the one that usually comes through here.
5) With all of the people going to school living in this house, there is a lot to do. And this teenage shit is killing me.
6) I feel like I have bitten off WAY more than I can chew.
One of the big things they teach us is self care. I've had not one moment to get to a meeting. I can feel it this time. Not that I want to use, but just that I am feeling a little out of control and uneasy.
Please, I am NOT asking for sympathy. Because I am so lucky to be able to be where I am at. I LOVE what I am getting ready to do and this field of recovery. I have a LOT of gratitude for being where I am at.
I will get a groove going in this new life. But until I get my feet on the ground, I might not have as much to say here.
HEY!! But it is National Recovery Month. So HAPPY RECOVERY MONTH. Go hug a person in recovery or someone struggling. Love you and thanks for listening.