Thursday, October 10, 2013

I'm in a weird fucking place.

I've been needing to make a decision if I am going to continue this blog, or stop for awhile.  I don't want this to get in the way of my work, and I don't want it to get in the way of any client's recovery if they find it and read something that hurts them for some reason.  Not that I think that I am THAT important.  But it could be a weird line.

So as I have been trying to decide what to do, I have decided to say fuck it.  I may not come here as much and write, but I am going to keep doing it.  If I ever run into some problem with it, I will deal with it then.

I haven't told my current internship about this blog (that I know of) and I don't talk about any of this kind of stuff there.  Obviously, I have found a way to be in a space, and NOT make it about me.  It hasn't been easy folks.  I wasn't built that way.  But I am doing it.  And I love every single second of it.

One thing I have noticed about myself (which I already knew) is that I cry easy.  So whenever there is a person leaving our treatment, as in most treatments, there is a little ceremony.  I have yet to make it through on dry-eyed.  I am hoping someday I'll toughen up, because again, it isn't about me.

Or maybe I won't ever stop getting choked up.  I have hope for every one of the people leaving.  And I believe that they are going to make it.  I know the stats say this isn't so, but I believe it anyhow.  Someone has to.

Today (Thursday) I am going on an interview for my second internship.  I REALLY want this one, because there is the possibility of employment after.  Which includes (I am sure) dental insurance.  You see, the entire reason I have gone back to college, and getting my degree in LADC (and hopefully a masters in either social work or LPCC) is for the dental plan.  My teeth are fucked.  You can't see it, but it is there man.  I cannot wait.

That really isn't the reason I'm doing this.  But it is a huge bonus, now that the light is at the end of the tunnel.

So, I'll keep sharing my story, blogging here, speaking wherever asked, and helping anyone I can (if I can) talk about recovery, get help with recovery, and now working in the field of recovery.  If lines get weird because of people knowing too much about me, well, it's a little late for that.  And wherever I land, they will just have to take me with this blog, and the magazine and the cancelled Ricki Lake show as a package.  All we are trying to do is have a voice right?

If you are reading this, thank you for still reading this.  I will try to do better.

1 comment:

  1. Dont do anything different and please dont go! Blogging is an outlet and its good to share. You are really good about not mentioning names so it shouldnt be a bother to those if they do know about the blog. I am so proud of you and wish you the best of luck on your interview! Hugs my friend

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