Friday, October 18, 2013

My life has been filled with self created drama

Below is something I started last December:

Yes, my life has been filled with drama.  Not the MOST dramatic life, but drama-filled nonetheless.  I love that nonetheless is three words in one, and legal.

So as this is the LAST month of the year, I want to pledge that NEXT year will be drama-free.  But guess what?  I know for a fact that THAT isn't going to happen.  I have a lot of big things happening in the next year.

First, I will be in my last year of school and  more than half of the year, I will be fulfilling my 880 hours of internship at two separate treatment facilities.  )By the way, anyone wanting to offer me an internship, PLEASE contact me.  This isn't the last time you'll hear of this.) This doesn't have to mean I will have drama in my life, but it will be a change on my family.  I am so ready for it.  My kids are too.  So this, I have decided will add no drama to my life.

Second, my marriage is really on it's last leg.

STOP-- That's all I wrote, so back to now:

Well things changed didn't they?  I didn't do my internship during the summer, which leaves me graduating in May, 2014.  Bob is back living in our home with our kids.  My daughter is back at regular high school, and I am almost never home.

As for my marriage, who the fuck knows where that will end up.  But today, we are living in the same house, raising our kids and doing okay.  I wouldn't say it was the most romantic, loving, passionate relationship I have ever had with Bob (or anyone else) but it is a mostly kind relationship and we are still a family with our children.

I took the easy route for my first internship because I had worked as a tech there, and I learned that the easy route is never the easy route.  But I believe I will love what I do.

I will say that coming towards the last quarter of this year that my life HAS become less dramatic (although the last two days I may or may not have had a cry or two, feelings don't need to equal drama).

It has nothing to do with my money, my husband, my kids, my school or my internship.  I leave my house most days at 7:00 AM and often don't get home until after 9:00 PM due to sports for the kids, shopping for the house, or school.  That isn't a complaint, but a lot for me.  I get STRESSED.   I am saying is that although there is still SO much going on in my life, I don't feel like it is drama.  I am handling it. (The beginning was bumpy, as are some days).

I have been a VERY SLOW LEARNER, I am finally getting the cliche slogan "One day at a time."  That is how I live my life  And let me tell you, if I didn't, I'd be miserable. (I still forget occasionally, like when I think my kids are being treated like shit or something. Then the old FREAK OUT drama queen comes out.) 

So, I would say I reached my pledge on many levels.  I still have to work on my reactions to some situations. You know who you are. Oh...wait...I can only change me. I fucking hate that!

One day, minute, situation at a time. 

This is my dad's desk at work. He doesn't feel drama or chaos and takes it a day at a time. If he can do it like this, I can too 

2 comments:

  1. What a difference a year has made! I am so proud of you my friend.

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  2. Have you heard of Reformers Unanimous? www.reformu.com
    It is a faith-based program with a great track record. My husband and I attend; it's not just for addicts (although everyone is addicted to something). I love it because it treats the problem, not just symptoms.

    ReplyDelete