Saturday, October 19, 2013

Worst pain in the world.

As a mom (or parent, I guess) I think the WORST pain, is seeing your child in emotional pain. 

Physical pain, the minor stuff, like scraped knees, stitches. bumps on the head, we can kiss, hug, put bacitracin and a band-aide on. Boo-boo all better. 

But when a kid is hurting inside, due to life, and they cry and are scared or sad, for me, that pain is the worst pain I have ever felt. 

Whenever my kids struggle, I try and do anything I can to fix it. I contact teachers, principals, counselors, coaches, kids, and their parents. 

I am not sure why it seems to be so hard on me, but has been almost impossible for me not to react. And sometimes react inappropriately. 

Here is what I've learned. Teachers are usually cool. Some principals are cool. Many coaches are cool. Most kids and their parents are never cool. Ever. 

No one ever thinks their kid is wrong.  And no kid will listen to another parent. I have tried to explain certain situations until I'm blue in the face. Believe me, I have learned (just recently) that there is no use. Plus, I always end up over doing it, and then people stop listening and start get defensive. Which shuts down any communication.  And has even gotten me called "immature."  (Like, can you even imagine...okay I sometimes agree with that, but it's not easy for me.)

No one wants to believe their kid isn't perfect. And some kids (people) are just plain assholes.  I know that stems from their own emotional and personal issues. Too bad we all sometimes cross their path. That is life. 

But I try to fix it, and almost always make it worse or get no result at all. I have GOT to stop doing that. For myself, because it is gut wrenchingly painful, for them because they need to figure stuff out themselves. But I love them, so...

I have born to me some very sensitive children. This could be for many reasons. I am obviously sensitive. We have been through some shit as a family. My kids have been abandoned by me when I was using, by their father with his mental illness, and that has affected their lives in many different ways. 

So if I see this pain in them, and they are struggling with friendships, teachers or whoever, I feel guilty. I dont know how to help them. Save them. I didn't give them the tools they need. I can't kiss their ouchie and put a bandaide on it. I can't make their pain stop. I can hold them, listen to them (if they'll talk), and love them. But I can't promise it will get better. Or easier. Life can hurt. 

Just when I think I have this, life will happen and they get hurt. My pain, I hope, is greater than theirs. Because it hurts. But I can't teach them good coping skills unless I start modeling them. And I fuck that up a lot. 

If one of you tells me to go to Alanon, I will be SHOCKED. I KNOW okay?  


  1. I stumbled across your blog several months ago and read everything you write. Addiction is not an issue for me but I relate to almost everything you write. I so admire your openness and honesty. Stay strong.

    1. Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me. Thanks for reading.

  2. It really sucks period to watch someone you love Hurt. You said it right when you said all we CAN do is be there to hold them and to listen. Hang in there friend

  3. Every single sentence of this post could have been written by ME. My daughter has had major struggles, We are currently struggling as a family and I want to make it all go away. I also model coping skills inappropriately even though I tell myself 100 tiems a day I'm not going to. You are not alone in this but are doing the very best you can and your kids know this too.