Thursday, November 28, 2013

Gratitude day

Gratitude day. Not about shopping. Not about pretending that the meal those pilgrims shared with the indigenous folks didn't end in a total massacre of children, women and men. A really horrible fucking time. 

For hundreds of years we pretended it was this great story of how we were invited to stay here by the natives. How they shared and we shared. But really, we took, murdered, and wiped out a culture and a people.

Somehow, since HOPEFULLY we aren't teaching the lie of the genocide, we can just simply change what the pilgrims meant by being thankful (which sucked) and make it a day if thanks for what we have now. 

I'm not suggesting we don't think about what really went down. We should honor the lives lost and forever changed. By knowing the truth and sharing it as part of the day. Many people mourn this day.  And many of us use it as a day to feel grateful.  Two totally different agendas.  I talk to my family about both.

The greed of that time, and the greed of this time hasn't really changed for us.  We just don't see the horror that our greed puts on other human lives.  The worker conditions for the folks that made this Apple computer I am typing on.  Or my iPhone that I love so much (seriously, it's the first thing I'd grab in a fire.)  We just chose to ignore it.  I am as guilty of this as anyone.  I love my stuff.  I know people hurt to make it.  Is still bought it.

So we stand in lines in the middle of the night, for more greed.  We want the most stuff, and to pay the least for it.  Maybe we aren't wiping out whole tribes of people doing this. (are we?)  But we do hurt people by doing this.  The pope even said so.

Am I going to be a part of Black Friday?  Last year, is you remember, I did bring my kids for the first time.  We went only because the twins wanted to see what the craziness was about.  We went to Walmart (I know dude) and didn't even get the Lego's on sale.  Then we went to the mall, and bought some clothes.  There was a shit-ton of careless greed going on.  We just liked being awake, at the mall, at midnight.  And I'll probably do it again tonight, because they have such fine memories of the nighttime mall run.

What am I truly grateful for this moment?

-My sobriety

-My school and my career path.  I am the luckiest girl around, getting to help people THINK about changing their minds about their drug/alcohol use.

-My family, and the year we have had.  It has all been good (minus some teenage growing pains.)

-Sticking it out with Bob.  Although we have gone through some shit, he's not the only one who needed to grow.  I'm not saying we are living happily every after.  I'm not sure we will be married in a year (I think that every year lately).  But staying married has allowed him to get a little better, and it has been good for our kids.  And we are still buddies.  I do love him and I gain compassion most days (except when it is REALLY hard).  And he is moving in the right direction.

-All of you.  My family and friends (AA/NA or not) who have reached out to me, supported me, given help to me, loved me, and who are still there.  People are generally good.  When given the opportunity to help, so many do.  I am so grateful.  I pay it forward when I can.

Have a wonderful day of gratitude and remembering.

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