He takes me to Costco.
I don't have my OWN membership at Costco. It's not that I CAN'T have a membership there....Well...that's a lie. I can't have a membership at Costco. I owe them money for a bad check from YEARS back. I've been black-listed from getting a membership. They don't want me man.
I fully intend on paying them back as SOON as I can. They are on my "list." Recovery is a process.
ANYHOW, the other day he offered to bring me there to buy a coat for one of my kids. They have cheap, warm coats there. So I was down for that. I only needed one.
We ended up buying a ton of shit. Grapes, oranges, chicken pot-pie, sweatshirts, coffee, and on and on.
I really, really, really love Costco.
As we were leaving, he wanted to go into the liquor store part. (He first asked them if they had any free samples, they did not.).
Maybe it shouldn't feel weird for me to walk into a liquor store, but I am here to say, it does.
The liquor store smells the same wherever you go. That weird smell. It had been awhile since I have smelled that smell. It bugged me.
This doesn't mean I CAN'T go into a liquor store. It just means that I feel like an alien in there. Like, it's so strange to be around all of those bottles that could ruin my life.
I've been in bars since I've been sober, been around people drinking at parties. None of that bugged me. But the liquor store, that pissed me off a little.
I walked down every isle of that place (it isn't very big.) I looked at everything they had. All the different beers, vodkas, wines (I HATE wine, but still...) All of the new and different stuff that I will never, ever be tasting.
I looked in everyone's cart to see what they were buying. Trying to figure out who might have a problem. (I judge like that, sorry.) Just looking for those people like me. If you buy your booze in bulk at Costco, I'm wondering about you.
I'm mostly kidding about that.
My dad treated himself to some Corona's and some other beers, (he has a lot of company and likes to be stocked) we checked out, and we left.
I drove home with some self-pity working in me. I don't get to try the different flavors of the different shit that constantly comes on the market. Sure, it's just for today. But let's face it. The goal is never.
I don't drink like normal people (I break out into drugs, ha ha, old joke) so I live a sober life. Which allows me a home, an education, a family, and choices.
If I try new types of booze, I give up my choice to work as a counselor. To be a good parent. To live a life I am not ashamed of. If I drink, I walk away from some pretty great choices. So my pity-party didn't last long.
I still want to know what cake flavored vodka tastes like. Really, really bad.
Kind of like when I bought that hairless dog, just to see what she felt like. (Long story) Bad move. Just like the cake flavored vodka would be, a bad move.
I'm good and grateful with my gift of choice. It is a gift. That self pity took me off guard. It lasted about an hour. I talked to a friend about it, and we are all good my friends. We are all good.