Monday, December 2, 2013

I went to the liquor store

My dad is a very generous guy. I think we can all agree. If you are down and out, he will help you out. Unless you are my beautiful sister. But I'm not going there today.

He takes me to Costco. 

(This photo is actually Menard's, but you get the drift)

I don't have my OWN membership at Costco.  It's not that I CAN'T have a membership there....Well...that's a lie. I can't have a membership at Costco. I owe them money for a bad check from YEARS back. I've been black-listed from getting a membership. They don't want me man.

I fully intend on paying them back as SOON as I can. They are on my "list."  Recovery is a process.

ANYHOW, the other day he offered to bring me there to buy a coat for one of my kids. They have cheap, warm coats there. So I was down for that. I only needed one. 

We ended up buying a ton of shit. Grapes, oranges, chicken pot-pie, sweatshirts, coffee, and on and on. 

I really, really, really love Costco.

As we were leaving, he wanted to go into the liquor store part. (He first asked them if they had any free samples, they did not.). 

Maybe it shouldn't feel weird for me to walk into a liquor store, but I am here to say, it does.
The liquor store smells the same wherever you go. That weird smell. It had been awhile since I have smelled that smell. It bugged me.

This doesn't mean I CAN'T go into a liquor store. It just means that I feel like an alien in there. Like, it's so strange to be around all of those bottles that could ruin my life. 

I've been in bars since I've been sober, been around people drinking at parties. None of that bugged me. But the liquor store, that pissed me off a little. 

I walked down every isle of that place (it isn't very big.)  I looked at everything they had. All the different beers, vodkas, wines (I HATE wine, but still...)  All of the new and different stuff that I will never, ever be tasting. 

I looked in everyone's cart to see what they were buying. Trying to figure out who might have a problem. (I judge like that, sorry.) Just looking for those people like me. If you buy your booze in bulk at Costco, I'm wondering about you.

I'm mostly kidding about that. 

My dad treated himself to some Corona's and some other beers, (he has a lot of company and likes to be stocked) we checked out, and we left. 

I drove home with some self-pity working in me. I don't get to try the different flavors of the different shit that constantly comes on the market. Sure, it's just for today. But let's face it. The goal is never.

 I don't drink like normal people (I break out into drugs, ha ha, old joke) so I live a sober life. Which allows me a home, an education, a family, and choices. 

If I try new types of booze, I give up my choice to work as a counselor. To be a good parent. To live a life I am not ashamed of. If I drink, I walk away from some pretty great choices.  So my pity-party didn't last long. 

I still want to know what cake flavored vodka tastes like. Really, really bad. 

Kind of like when I bought that hairless dog, just to see what she felt like. (Long story) Bad move. Just like the cake flavored vodka would be, a bad move.  

I'm good and grateful with my gift of choice. It is a gift.  That self pity took me off guard. It lasted about an hour. I talked to a friend about it, and we are all good my friends. We are all good. 


  1. Truth be told the cake vodka isnt all that. I dont like the taste of liquor and not to sound funny but all the flavored vodkas totally taste like vodka first. Yuck! Its not worth it and you're kicking ass making a good life you and your family. I'm proud of you Betsey and you're doing so awesome. Pity parties are allowed , as long as they go quickly. Then move on like you did. Now i want to know about the hairless dog. For real.

  2. I understand that feeling I can be around people drinking and in bars but going into a liquor store with that strong smells of different types of alcohol my favorite drink was beer or the frozen mix drinks and certain shots so actually looking at them as I go down the isles bothers me I want to reach for a six pack which I know once I start it wouldn't stop there and before I know it I am looking for some cocaine which is the demon of my choice over anything so I try to avoid going past the liquor isles and every store has them wish they didn't but they do so I pray has I am in the stores to myself the serenity pray and it works for me, God helps me to realize that I am worth more then me getting drunk and high, and You are worth more then getting drunk r high remember that. You worked hard to get where you are at do not let the smells bother you pray and next time past on going down the isles. God Bless you.

  3. I realize this isn't the point of this post, but I'm a vodka DRINKER and the cake? Was awful. You're not missing out.