Thursday, December 12, 2013

If your meeting gets sick, or if you get sick of your meeting.

Now that I am on a glorious break from internship and school, I can go back to my old "stay-at-home-mom" status until January 13th.  A whole month of what my life once was.  Except just the happy part.  Boy, is this nice.

*I am speaking for myself here.  As always.  

I get to attend my daytime meetings again.  I get to attend meetings again, period!  I had been skipping them often because the nights that I COULD go, my family needed me, and I needed them.

It feels great to be back into the old swing of things and with my people.  Absolutely great.

Well…except it really totally doesn't.  The meeting that I consider my "home group" has dwindled.  There was a time where there was over SIXTY strong, young, old, intelligent, brilliant, sisterly, recovering women, who weekly came together, and supported, loved, and accepted each other.  To me, it was a sacred and special place.

But something has gone terribly wrong in that group.  And it has, in my eyes, gotten sick.  This happens in meetings.  And when it does, it is time to take a break or move on.

I counted in the group the last time I went, and it had dwindled down to 22 women or so.  So I don't think that I am the only one who notices that something is just not quite right.  What a bummer.

My point to this post is that meetings do get sick.  We put personalities before principles.  We are human.  And when this happens, the feeling of positive recovery shifts. At least for me.

Sometimes people become divided with the way a meeting should be run, sometimes there is gossip, sometimes people exclude people from stuff, and it becomes more of a popularity contest than anything else.  Some people think they are in charge of the meeting.  

Am I guilty of any of the above stuff?  Sure I am.  I am human.  You know when you split up into smaller groups, and your number happens to match up with that one person who talks FOREVER and it never has anything to do with the topic or step?  Sure I have made myself a 3 when I was a 2.  Not nice, but true.

Gossip?  You know I can.  I try not to.  We are progress, not perfection.  Rumors?  I try to avoid those like the plague.  Dishonesty of our actions?  No.  I plead ignorance.  I try to treat everyone with respect.  (unless you are that talker, and then I just go to a different room.)

At my favorite, dwindling meeting, we all often meet for lunch after.  There used to be a HUGE group of fellowship and it was so fun. This week we had decided where we were going, I announced it to a group.  One of the people turned to the person she was standing by and said, "oh no, now can't go there."  

What?

I am a big girl.  I can handle that.  She can go wherever she likes to lunch.  I have had my horrible thoughts of come-backs and revenge. I mean, how fucking rude. I, of course, made it about me and was terribly offended.  I mean, I want it to be a big happy group, how it used to be, because I liked it that way!

But with a little rational thinking (yes, I CAN do that sometimes), I've decided that it is possible that she wanted to go somewhere alone with the other person, so that they could talk without the pressure of, A) sitting with the big group (there were four of us), and  B) trying to talk over me. (Again, about me).  And maybe she just didn't want to hang around us. All of that is her business. And I am okay with it. 

It is a bummer to me that the meeting has changed so much over the almost six years that I have been in and out of that place.  Some are sick, some go back out, some are snowbirds, some die, some just leave.  Change is okay, and it is dependable.  But it doesn't always feel right.  

Here is my suggestion for those of you new to the program.  You are not going to like everyone you meet at a meeting.  Everyone at the meeting is not going to like you.  People will say and do stupid things to you, just as you might say and do stupid things to them.  THIS does not mean the meeting is all bad.  And it certainly doesn't represent "the program."  There is still much you can take away from any meeting.  There is also the choice to move on.


*I want to be clear that I am not suggesting that any certain people make a meeting sick. It is the group of the meeting that becomes sick. It no longer exists as a working group. There is more negative vibe than positive. And also, this is my perception, and also my own shit. I love all the people in that place. 


4 comments:

  1. what goes around comes around:)

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  2. Enjoy the time off! Hope you did well on your finals.

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    1. I did fine, thank goodness. That was hard!!

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