Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A new year

Another blog post about a new year. People who read blogs are probably sick of hearing the different takes on what people are glad about, mad about or going to change in the new year. 

And here is mine. 

I had a great 2013. It has been a long time in my life where I have looked at my recent past and thought it was awesome. 

What was awesome about it is that, it was normal, in the sense that I made progress, and didn't sabotage it. I had a routine and worked hard and I didn't get bored about it. 

Today, I had delivered, a new KING sized bed. (Borrowed the cash from my old man.)

I needed a new bed. And I wanted a bigger one. So more kids could fit. And MAYBE if Bob and I both have fans for white noise, and sleep as far apart as possible, I will be able to sleep with him in my room, and my 10 year old twins can have their bedroom back. 

Yeah, it's weird over here. 

So here I sit, on the eve of the new year, and all of my kids are gone. For the first time since I've had kids, they are all gone for the night on New Year's Eve. What?  

Bob and I decided to do something fun together. 

We still know how to party. 

Speaking of which, we dropped my daughter off at a party. I lectured her and her friends the whole way there of what I expected and how to be safe if things got crazy. And as we drove away, I noticed this on the window:

In case you can't make that out, it says "drugs."  She and her friends are so cute.  Like little smart-ass, sass-masters. They LOVE to freak me out. I'll be picking them up from that party. And I'll be smelling breaths, smelling fingers, and checking pupils.  Here we go...

I picked my twins up from a party at 10 PM. Every year we buy silly string, and this year I did not. So a trip to Walgreen's, and we got to do this...

But then I noticed this...

And I had to do this...

OH and I bought new bras for Christmas.  So, things are looking up.  Literally. 

I picked up my daughter and her friends from the party at 2:30 AM and she looked like this:

I couldn't get a good shot, I was driving. That is all I'm saying about that.  

A few things I'm going to do this next year:

Yell less, accept more. I'm getting so much better with this.  

I am going to CANCEL my gym membership. Let's face it. I didn't go in 2013. It DOES only cost $10.00 a month. But I might as well light that $10.00 on fire. 

I'm going to try and be better to myself. Accept myself as I would anyone else. I am such a bitch to myself. I don't want to do that. I want to love myself more. So I'm going to. 

I'm going to survive being a parent. There is no way in hell I am going to do it right. But we will all get through it. 

I will continue to share my recovery and pay attention to the other people who are speaking out to help those that still suffer, not feel ashamed. That is my purpose. 

I am going to graduate college with a Bachelor of Science degree. I will walk the ceremony, so that my kids can watch, hopefully be proud, and show them that accomplishments are totally possible. 

Hopefully I will gain employment. And then I will decide what to do with the rest of my life. But graduate school IS in my future. 

I will fuck up as much stuff (probably more) than I will get it right. But we shall see where that leads. 

Thanks for reading and responding to this blog. I don't know what this is anymore. But I'm still doing it. And it's even four o'clock in the morning, and here I am. Damn. 

Have a purposeful and Happy New Year. 


  1. GRADUATION AND GRAD SCHOOL HERE WE COMMEEEEE.... :) YAY! For it finally happening! :) You probably know who this is though... anonymous is way more fun of a surname... ;)

  2. Hey you rock! I enjoy your blog & on the parenting thing - here's the deal THERE IS NO "RIGHT" it only exists in hindsight and that's because hindsight gives us the benefit of knowing how something ended up unfolding. Info we definitely did not have when making said earlier decision we end up making ourselves wear that damn bad mom t-shirt over. Reality is we all just do the best we can on each and every given day in each and every given moment and that is somewhat of a moving target (some days more than others). I had the wisest counselor up there at Center City (where I was a "guest" for 5 months) who used to remind me that my daughter had her own journey and her own higher power who BTW wasn't me -

  3. Happy New Year Betsey!! I look forward to seeing what this year has in store for you and i know it will be real and honest and awesome!