Wednesday, January 8, 2014

I'm sorry mom

I don't believe in afterlife. I don't believe in spirits really. I think when you are dead, you are dead.

BUT if there is a smidge of a chance that my mom can somehow EVER hear me, I would say "listen woman, I'm sorry."  I can apologize to honor her memory, I guess. 

My mom died during the rebellion period of my life. Which just happened to last more than nineteen years.  

I've been talking to a friend about this whole "raising a teenage girl" thing. She said her mom believed that everyone has a rebellious time in their lives. Where they go through a period of finding themselves, and detaching from those they love. 

And my daughter is doing that now. Just like I did to my mom at her age. I'm not dying, (that I fricken know of) so at least I get to know that this whole thing about her never wanting to be home, or her really believing that everything I say is wrong, or that her friends and her are the center of the world, and I only exists for cash and rides, isn't going to last forever. She will come back to me. 

Remember last year when I pulled her from school and we did Internet school?  And our family was her whole world?  Yeah, that's over. 

I have choices.  I can either try and control her every move, or I can let her do what she is going to do, and let her natural consequences happen.  I can set up boundaries, and some rules.  I don't have to fund her, or anything like that.  

She's doing some risky testing of these boundaries. But she is light years away from where I was. My kid is smart. And even though sometimes she talks to me as if I have "asshole" printed on my forehead, we are getting through this. She corrects herself, when I ask her to. And she is a really fun kid to be around. I really do have great kids. 

I never got to get to that place with my mom where I showed much respect for her. It doesn't take me long to pull my daughter in, and get there. I'm grateful for that. 

I've decided to keep home more, just to be safe. Plus, she likes me more, the more we hang out. 

I'm just glad I'm not raising me. At least not yet!  



It is so nice to remember them like this.  It is the only reason we don't kill them.  

3 comments:

  1. Betsey, you are wise. my oldest turns 23 on Friday and my baby is 18 and let me tell you. I have awesome kids but there were and still are times I could choke the shit out of them ( ok that was not true) BUT you get it. hang in there. I knew you during some of that rebellion stage. oh hell I was right there with you for some of it. I'm not going to go on as if I have any answers however I do believe these are stages and phases of adolescents. does that mean we shouldnt question our kids or set rules we expect them to follow (even though we predict they will break) of course not but we will just keep on guiding and talking and debating with our kids in hopes that they are listening and have a strong sense of morals and values. keep fighting the good fight. oh man you are usually giving me (as well as so many others) excellent advice I think your rubbing off on me. thanks! xo

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    1. Thanks Lisa. I will take your advice anytime. You are such a great mom! Love you:)

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  2. Teenage years are hard and what is it with the whole female dynamic between girls and their moms? Dang my mon and i went through some serious rough patches! She's my best friend today.

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