BUT if there is a smidge of a chance that my mom can somehow EVER hear me, I would say "listen woman, I'm sorry." I can apologize to honor her memory, I guess.
My mom died during the rebellion period of my life. Which just happened to last more than nineteen years.
I've been talking to a friend about this whole "raising a teenage girl" thing. She said her mom believed that everyone has a rebellious time in their lives. Where they go through a period of finding themselves, and detaching from those they love.
And my daughter is doing that now. Just like I did to my mom at her age. I'm not dying, (that I fricken know of) so at least I get to know that this whole thing about her never wanting to be home, or her really believing that everything I say is wrong, or that her friends and her are the center of the world, and I only exists for cash and rides, isn't going to last forever. She will come back to me.
Remember last year when I pulled her from school and we did Internet school? And our family was her whole world? Yeah, that's over.
I have choices. I can either try and control her every move, or I can let her do what she is going to do, and let her natural consequences happen. I can set up boundaries, and some rules. I don't have to fund her, or anything like that.
She's doing some risky testing of these boundaries. But she is light years away from where I was. My kid is smart. And even though sometimes she talks to me as if I have "asshole" printed on my forehead, we are getting through this. She corrects herself, when I ask her to. And she is a really fun kid to be around. I really do have great kids.
I never got to get to that place with my mom where I showed much respect for her. It doesn't take me long to pull my daughter in, and get there. I'm grateful for that.
I've decided to keep home more, just to be safe. Plus, she likes me more, the more we hang out.
I'm just glad I'm not raising me. At least not yet!