Sunday, January 5, 2014

Parenting advice.

I know my blogs are too long.  I'll work on that.

Parenting advice. What a topic. I interned at a place where parenting advice was considered a "taboo topic."  I agree. 

I recently got into a HUGE match with some parents of one of my kids. So big, in fact, that I was  ALMOST  motivated to go to the gym, where I've yet to cancel the membership, and start lifting weights so I could intimidate them with my huge muscles. Because I'm a fighter. (That's a lie, I've never been in a physical altercation in my life and jail seems scary.)

Here is MY SIDE of the story.  I thought my daughter was at the friend's house that she always sleeps at.  But I got a text in the morning asking me if I knew where she and another friend were at.  I PANICKED.   I thought for sure my daughter was in a ditch, frozen, because these kids are driving now, and anything can happen.

Now, before the parents where I thought she slept had even woken up yet, I had fired off PLENTY of texts.  I'm good like that.  I asked questions like, WHY didn't you give me a text saying they weren't at your house?  Why didn't anyone tell me they didn't know where she was?

When the parents woke up, all hell broke loose.  It was my fault because I'm too much of a counselor and not enough of a parent.  It isn't their job to tell me where my kid is at.  I don't know the half if what is going on with my daughter.  That I don't enforce rules. That this is how they do it and I should do that too.  We got into it deep.

I ended the conversation calling the dad a controlling, codependent, asshole.

Oh and I told him he had a huge ego.

Then I blocked him.

Again, I'm super mature. 

The mom of this family has been very good to my daughter.  She would make her homemade lunches for her to take to school.  They have fed her, brought her places, and ALL kinds of wonderful things.  My daughter loves the mom like a second mom.  She is a very nice, giving person.

And I love their daughter.  I hope she will be allowed to spend more time over 

The groupe of girls that my daughter hangs with have spent a TON of time at this house and with this dad. He is youthful and has a lot of talks with them about life.  He lectures and tries to get the girls to do the right thing, by listening to his lectures. 

It is more of a shaming approach that he uses, that I don't use.  In my family, it has proven to never work.  Addiction FEEDS on shame.  So if my daughter is an addict, (the jury is still out on ALL of my kids with parents like us) that will only make her more sick.

I could never be ashamed of my daughter.  No matter what.

I know this man believes what he is doing is right.  He is funny, a good coach, and a nice dude.  He would help you out with anything, whenever he was asked.  The problem is that His boundaries are all screwed up, and he thinks he's responsible for everything and everyone. 

I thought we were all friends who watched out for each other, and let each other know what was going on.  We should be letting each other know what is going on, and then letting our own families handle it, the way WE choose to. Not keeping secrets for our kids. That's not helping anything.  I know he has the best interest in the kids.  He is a good dad to his kids.  I just don't want anyone parenting mine, except me.  

Has my daughter been experimenting with drinking?  Sure she has.  Other things?  Sure.  Do I think she has a problem at the moment?  No.  I am not an idiot.  I know exactly what I am doing.  Do I do stuff wrong?  Hell yes.  But these mistakes and triumphs are for our family.  That is it.  

So, is that relationship wrecked?  Seems like it.  I hope not.   But I stand firm that I parent my way.  And I believe my way is the way that works for my family.  My kids are open and honest with me.  And not because of any lecture from another parent, but because that is our family.  If my daughter is doing things like drinking and some of the things that can come along with being a teenager, or an addict, we will deal with it.  Do I parent like I am a counselor?  Of course I fucking do!  Counselors RULE.  And my kids are lucky to have me.

No comments:

Post a Comment