Sunday, April 6, 2014

They are all, but one, pissed at me

The only ally I have right now under my roof is my daughter.  The boys, all of them, are angry with me.

I am never home.  I try to plan stuff with them, but they never seem to want to do anything when I have time, only when I don't. 

My 13 year old acts like I am the biggest bitch on the planet, and the twins aren't that happy with me either. 

Unfortunately, their dad isn't helping the cause either.  I am going to school as he PAYS FOR EVERYTHING, you know. 

He won't be able to say that to me for long.  I can't wait until he can't say that to me.  I won't make much, but it will not come from him. 

I keep telling them.  Four more weeks.  Three more weeks. And now, two more weeks until this ugly classwork is over, and I'll be back.

They say, "You don't do anything around here.  Dad is better because he brings us to the gas station.  All you do is complain how messy the house is when you come home."

I wouldn't say dad is better because he gets their meals from the gas station, but the rest is pretty true.  I cannot do one thing about it.  I cannot write at home because there is no place for me to do it.  The mom guilt is huge, but I know I'm doing this for the better.  To better myself and so I can be by myself.  There have been sacrifices for this degree.  Some might think it cost us a marriage.  I can tell you it was ending anyhow.  My kids will hopefully forgive me. 

Two more weeks of this one class.  Fucking hell.

18 comments:

  1. I think as Moms we tend to get the crap from our kids more because there is still a stereotype that goes along with it. It sucks but one day when they get past the " me,me,me" stage they will see the bigger picture. Stay strong Betsey! This too shall pass.

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  2. Hang in there Betsey. One day they will understand and be proud of you!

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  3. Not to sound offensive, but it is pretty disrespectful for your kids to be saying that to you. Their father should be standing by you and insisting that they act more respectful to their mother! :(

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    1. He's too mentally ill and angry to do that. He just lays there. It will be over soon. But it is disrespectful. They've never had a good role model.

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  4. stay the course. You are going to be fine and your kids don't know how good they've got it. beaming you positive energy for these last few weeks.

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  5. You are almost done! I can almost feel your stress. I am sorry for that and I hope it eases soon. What you have accomplished is a great thing. There will be rough times ahead with a new job, and with the dissolution of your marriage. I will keep praying for you! I am so in awe of you!

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  6. *virtual hugs* first. I feel for you, even though I've never had these issues, I feel for you. From all you've posted, I know you'll do all right, and having your daughter back you is awesome. Best of luck, love, and light on you all!

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  7. I feel for you. I struggled to find time for my daughter when I was working and studying. I think it has a lot to do with a teenagers age and hormones sometimes. My daughter was finding new friends, at the age where she could visit them and so was hardly in but when she was at home she wanted my attention whenever she wanted it not when I did. Sounds like your scenario.

    It is disrespectful of your kids but my daughter had a very bad role model for a father and so I disciplined her for her behaviour, grinned and beared it. Now we have conversations about how proud she is of me for doing it and for giving her a better life.

    Sending you hugs and thinking of you with regards to your marriage. x

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  8. I wish my mother had valid reasons for not being able to be there for me, school or work, I'd have accepted. Instead she abandoned me for her boyfriend and his kid, and used not only the child support money but the food stamps she was getting for me to take care of them, because he used his up Buying seafood and steaks the first day ,The child support was used on cigarettes and booze. I had to get a fake ID to hold down a full time job at 16 to pay rent, while trying to finish high school. Your kids are lucky enough to have a parent that cares enough to make sacrifices to better yourself, which will likely lead to being a better parent. Unfortunately kids, especially teenagers, don't always have the ability to see the long term. Stay strong.

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  9. Just curious, does your husband read your blogs? :)

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    1. No. He doesn't. I don't post anything he doesn't already know. And I tell him but he doesn't want to. It's okay with me. He's not a bad man. He's just super sick. It's hard for me to not take it personally sometimes. We both deserve to be happy. I think he'd be happier alone.

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    2. Sorry to hear. I know you've mentioned he has PTSD. I have to be honest and tell you I don't know that much about it but hang in there. You're on your way! Love your blog.

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  10. Your kids need to talk to their friends who have working parents. They are lucky to even have their Dad around. I was raised by a single mom who worked her butt off and i never saw her. We would have just enough time to eat dinner together and and then it was my bedtime. They will thank you for this later but now they are busy being boys and sometimes kids dont know better than to be selfish. Hang in there!

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  11. Dear Friend Betsey,
    I love you and I believe you are doing the right thing for you.All the way around. I have a thought.I know it sounds and feels disrespectful. But, they are expressing their thought and feelings. Someday you will be so appreciated so much,when they honestly can realize how smart and good you are. I wouldn't have ever known enough to express my stuff and guess what? My kids didn't either. We all suffered for it. You are are breaking a lot unhealthy chains sweetheart. Love KG

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  12. Great blog Betsey --

    Kids can be so incredibly selfish ---- this coming from a childless woman, so please don't take offense ;) I'm loving your blog first and foremost. As an addict myself (not in recovery currently) I completely respect your sobriety and the time you've earned. My GF is also in school, getting her PhD. Her husband who is also gay BTW --- hounds her about getting a job after she graduates. She's also an addict, but enjoys pills vs booze. He berates her and threatens her every chance he gets. Her daughter and husband gang up on her. It fills me with so much rage, I can barely stand it. The stories she tells me.....utterly disgusting. Not in any way saying your situation resembles her's....your most recent post just reminded me. Thanx for the post....totally following you.

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    1. Family dynamics are so hard. Kids don't know what they are doing. And if they do, then they are REAL assholes. Haha. I just finished most of my coursework, and am ready to take on this family alone. I couldn't be more excited. Thanks for reading and posting!!

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  13. BTW --- I'm Ruby Baron. You follow my blog. Just accidently posted under this profile.

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  14. "There have been sacrifices for this degree." You could also say "There have been sacrifices for Betsey DeGree.".... but will be totally worth it in the long run. Great job Betsey. the kids can't see it now, but they will when they are older. They will know what you did for them.

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