The only ally I have right now under my roof is my daughter. The boys, all of them, are angry with me.
I am never home. I try to plan stuff with them, but they never seem to want to do anything when I have time, only when I don't.
My 13 year old acts like I am the biggest bitch on the planet, and the twins aren't that happy with me either.
Unfortunately, their dad isn't helping the cause either. I am going to school as he PAYS FOR EVERYTHING, you know.
He won't be able to say that to me for long. I can't wait until he can't say that to me. I won't make much, but it will not come from him.
I keep telling them. Four more weeks. Three more weeks. And now, two more weeks until this ugly classwork is over, and I'll be back.
They say, "You don't do anything around here. Dad is better because he brings us to the gas station. All you do is complain how messy the house is when you come home."
I wouldn't say dad is better because he gets their meals from the gas station, but the rest is pretty true. I cannot do one thing about it. I cannot write at home because there is no place for me to do it. The mom guilt is huge, but I know I'm doing this for the better. To better myself and so I can be by myself. There have been sacrifices for this degree. Some might think it cost us a marriage. I can tell you it was ending anyhow. My kids will hopefully forgive me.
Two more weeks of this one class. Fucking hell.