Monday, May 12, 2014

The plan is, a slow plan

Does there ever get to a place in a parent's life where they HONESTLY think," Hey, I know what I'm doing!"

I mean when we first have babies, especially the first, we feel like we are dropped off at a different house, with an alien that we know nothing about, and we are supposed to keep it alive. With no instructions on how to raise that exact kid. People will give all kinds of advice of what worked for THEIR kid. But we want to know what the fuck works for OUR kid. Because every human is different. 

Then they cross issues when they get older, when maybe kids at daycare tell them too much about a topic, giving you a teachable moment you aren't ready for, like something racist or god forbid SEX.  And they get to school, and some asshole kid is picking on them. Or they get their hearts broken, or they start failing classes. Or they are sad about divorce. Or they have a brain disease called addiction. 

No one can tell us how to exactly deal with these issues, the right way, for our very own kids. Let me tell you, if there was a class to get me through each of these topics, I'd be signed up. Because every stage is hard. At least for me, it never gets easy.  And I never feel like I know what to do. It's a crap shoot every time. 

Just about everything I thought I would do for certain situations, has never worked out like I planned. So the plan is, to have no plan.  Sure, the basic stuff I stuck to like sex talks (I have always answered every question honestly, using anatomically correct description) with what I planned to do.  But most things like school night sleepovers, chores, no swearing, eating super healthy, stuff that was pretty important in my head, got thrown out the window.  

I feel like a lot of that has to do with the years I was using, and a co-parent who never wants to be anything but friends with the kids.  So there are no rules.  And if it makes them happy, than that is the plan.  I tried to implement rules, but as soon as I turn my back, they are ignored.  So I gave up.  

Now that I am going to have my own household, things will be changing over here.  I have already started it.  

I have a new plan.  And I am going to go slow with it.  We have to start with chores, because I'll go crazy soon if my house stays like this.  You see, they don't even unload the dishwasher.  No wonder my house is always trashed.  No one has held the accountable for any actions. And no one (well, sometimes my daughter) does anything around here.  Their fault?  No, they haven't been taught or made to.  

Last week we started with unloading the dishwasher.  Everyone takes turns.  I am going to do that for a few WEEKS.  Then we are going to learn how to LOAD the dishwasher.  Then we will move to laundry, dusting, sweeping, the vacuum, raking the yard, cutting the grass, and by the time they are 40-years old, they will have some basic life skills.  

Word to the wise:  Don't be roommates with my kids until I'm done training them.  

One thing at a time. 


  1. I get it!! Every time I reach the boiling point with the state of my daughter's messy room, I realize it isn't her fault, it's mine. I never made her keep it picked up and tidy. I cleaned it top to bottom recently, and that was the day before the cleaning lady came, just so she could get to the surfaces to vacuum and dust! Since then, I have been making my daughter keep it more tidy, but I have to remind her every day!!

  2. I had to create a chore chart, and be firm about the reward for finishing the chores. It was not easy, since I am a tiny bit of a perfectionist, but we have started to get a routine. You can do it, just remember to breathe..... a lot! ')

  3. Baby steps! Pretty soon your kiddos will appeciate the feel of a clean house.