My last intern supervisor would say that to the clients on the mornings she was in charge of the spiel of doing a daily 10th step. I loved it every time she said it.
I don't practice it.
I was going to say "I don't always practice it," but that's a fucking lie. I constantly forget.
If you caught my last post and the comments that were left, and my response to those comments, you can clearly see where I need work focusing on what is good. Or at least ignoring what I think is wrong. I could have easily let that go and realize that it's not my job to correct, fix, or get people to agree with me. But I see what was wrong with what is said, and defend, defend, defend myself.
She did have a valid opinion. Any opinion is valid. I DO freak out when people disagree with me. Even shit that doesn't matter. Sometimes I focus on it like crazy. And every time, instead of keeping my big mouth shut, I make it worse.
I've gotten to a point where I've defended myself so much, that almost every sporting, school, any event I go to, there is someone to avoid. Everywhere I go! If you tell me something I don't like, I'll let you have it. Who wins? Not me, that's for sure.
There is a point where I need to stick up for myself or my family. And there are many reasons to defend what is right or unjust. When people don't understand the illnesses. When people are being mistreated and controlled. These are reasons to get angry and do something. But there are times to accept a situation for what it is, who it is coming from and keep my big trap shut. If I think my kids are being treated poorly, watch the fuck out. Or if people don't see me how I think they should. I always have to have the last word. THIS HAS NEVER WORKED OUT FOR ME! And if it does work out, I usually don't feel good about it.
I try to keep my cool. But I'm a raging, passionate bitch at heart (sorry for the degrading "bitch" word ladies. But it fits here.). So it is hard for me to keep my cool.
There is some of that which I need to balance in there. I certainly don't want to get walked on. But I don't need to be the one who loses her cool. I can decide I am right about anything. But I don't have to make everyone believe it. Lord knows I have tried.
You see people doing these "100 days of happiness challenges" where they post something that makes them happy in their day. I'm just going to try and start living that way. There is so much truth to counting your blessings. Living with gratitude. Focusing on the good and changing your thoughts.
I pledge more than 100 days. But I'll start with today. Just today. I erased all of those comments from my last blog post that were negative.
In the time it has taken me to write this post (three days) I have contacted the head of the LaCrosse association to complain about the coach who gets under my skin, argued about how a deck should be built, (two topics I know nothing about) and nagged at Bob and my daughter more times than I can count. What the fuck have I learned so far?
I'll start today over and try again.