Monday, January 5, 2015

That other meeting

Oh my god I went to another meeting for those family members and friends who have addicts an alcoholics in their lives. 

I go once every six months to a year.  I always intend to return the following week, but it never seems like a good idea when the next week rolls around. And honestly, next week at that time, I'll be getting my hair done. I have an unintentional ombr√©. And the top half is ashey grey/brown. The bottom half is fried and some other lighter color. It ain't cute. 

Anyhow, I have been meaning to go that meeting for MONTHS. Today I wasn't even feeling bad, or stressed, or anything. I just went. 

I can tell you that while I was down in the dumps the past few months, I skipped my regular meetings. I would come home from work and go straight to bed. I stayed in bed all weekend, and I was completely isolating. Which is a creepy place to be. The more I isolated, the harder it was to get up and out. Christmas was torture this year. 

But I got back to a few meetings last week, and I felt better. DUH. It's so hard to remember that I feel better if I just force myself to get up and get to my people. It's so hard to believe I'll feel better if I do the exact opposite of what I feel like doing. 

I am a naturally low energy person. (Hmmm...might be why I preferred the speedy types of drugs).  So when I get sucked in to that dark depression shit, I say to myself, "I'll get up tomorrow.  Not after Ellen is over, but tomorrow. It's just for today, tomorrow I'll be better."  And unless I force myself, I'll never get up. 

Life is stressful. It will never be free of stress. If I don't remain connected to my support system, I cope with it by shutting down. I think there can be some value to shutting down for a bit. Sometimes you just don't want to talk about things until you've had time to process, or you are just plain exhausted. Laying low is okay. I just did it for too long (except going to work). 

So I went tonight, I have yet to fall in love with this other program. I would promise that I'll make it back in 2 weeks, but we all know I can't make promises like that. 

I know, I know. Keep coming back. 

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